The F@ck You List

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Hello humanity!

Merry fucking Christmas!

Okay…now that I’m out of my cave of depression and chocolate, time for my first Christmas speech.

No I don’t care that it’s three days early. I want to write NOW.

Grrrr.

This is my first year writing this stuff. As some of you nonexistent readers may know, I had started this blog after I had attempted suicide, in order to get stuff out of my head. 

So. Nine days till the year ends.

How do you celebrate the end of a year that has been absolutely shit?

I present….the Fuck You List. It’s exactly what is sounds like.

So fuck you:

1- Brain. Thanks to you, I have scars on my hands, scars on my leg, a horrible sense of what is reality, and two imaginary friends.

2- Flash. You gave me hope and then you took it away. We’re friends, I’m guessing, but I’m not going to be so stupid as to trust you. Not as much as I did anyway.

3- Daniel. Fuck you for following me when I ran away, and continuing to piss me off ever since.

4- Benedict Cumberbatch, for ruining my expectations of men.

5- Mum, for your moodswings and violent outbursts.

6- Dad, for trying to drag me out of my room by my hair an hour ago. Never. Drag. Me. Out. By. My. Mother. Fudging. Hair.

7- Kaya, for not taking over and scratching my father’s eyes out an hour ago. Also, where the hell have you been for the last six months? Thanks to you, I’m suicidal, depressed, anxious, oh, did I mention Flash dumped me because of the hallucinations you gave me? Fuck you Kaya.

8- Queen Paris-ite. I do have friends. They are awesome, funny, and have more brain cells than you. And for your sake, we won’t start on my hair.

9- Slenderman, for causing me to laugh during Mass, you seedy bastard. And for those who want to know why, think about how this could be interpreted: Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come agaaaaaaain. Don’t you have anything better to do than make me go red in the face from laughing? Also, apologies to those seedy nonexistent people who read that and understood the other meaning, and if you never take Mass seriously again, it’s my fault.

10- Papa Willis’ ex girlfriend. Not only did you hurt him, but you hurt me and Batman. Noone is perfect, especially not us. That definitely does not mean we are horrible people.

11- Doctor Who. I’m going to be borderline inconsolable at Christmas. I LOVE YOU MATT SMITH!

12- Sherlock. And you know why.

13- Steven Moffat. DISHONOUR ON YOU, DISHONOUR ON YOUR COW.

14- BBC in general. 

15- James Bond, for not going gay. 

16- Disney.

17- Happy singing people.

18- Cheerfulness.

19- 500 Miles, by The Proclaimers. AND YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY.

20- Mathematics.

21- Depression.

22- Anxiety.

23- Cutting. You do not help. In the slightest. I know that now.

24- Sickness. Seriously, my brain’s already out of whack, this is not an invitation to have fun too, immune system. 

25- Game of Thrones. I knew about the Red Wedding, BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT OKAY. 

Argh…There’s so many more things I want to say fuck you to…tell you what, I’ll continue this again when Internet has returned.

Cat Madigan

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