Taste the Whip


Last time, on The Adventures of Cat Madigan.

I woke up in a brothel that I had to save Daniel from. I also got a dominatrix to take her clothes off.

And now things are going to get weirder.


Act natural, act natural, act natural. Christ Cat, you’re a frigging model, that’s one step away from a hooker. You can do this.

It’s easy to not show anything as I walk through this place, but it’s another thing entirely to not feel anything. In truth, I am scared half to death. This place is far more frightening than any of the dungeons or torture chambers I’ve had the misfortune to be in.

The Fury instructed me to go to the cells to find the woman. But this place is huge, and everywhere I looked, there were writhing figures and strange…contraptions with people strapped or chained onto them.

Suddenly, I’m span around, and I’m facing a tall, dark man with piercing eyes. “And what do I call you?” he enquired.

Fuck… “You can call me whatever you want,” I said randomly. The man frowned, so I added, “I think the question you want to ask is, Who are you?Fan-fucking-tastic Cat Madigan.

To my relief he chuckles. “You’re a different dish,” he mused. “But you’re too shy for a Fury.” He grabs me by the waist. “I think my dear, you are wearing the wrong uniform,” he breathed in my face.

It’s like my heart is getting squeezed from the inside. This man is a giant, and he could do whatever he wanted with me at the snap of his fingers.


Not today.

I slap him across the face, and I know, as he staggers back, that everyone starts watching this new performance, even stopping their own…acts, in order to focus on us. “I know what I am,” I inform him frostily.

“Fucking bitch,” he growls. “You’ll do as I-”


In a split second, I had pulled out my whip and cracked it at him. It slashed his chest and he cried out. “You do not have control over me,” I snarl at him. “I am not yours to command, no matter what you may think.” Conscious of everyone around me, I continue. “The next time you touch me I’ll strike that hand. The next time you curse at me I’ll strike that tongue.” I crack my whip again and he falls to the ground. I walk over to him and pull him up by the hair. I whisper to him, “I am not your whore. I am your mistress, and you’ll obey me till I see fit.”

“Now,” I hold him behind his back. “Take yourself to the cells, I’ll be with you in a minute.” When he hesitates, I bark out, “Now!”

He immediately starts walking, and I follow. It can’t be that easy, I was thinking. This guy was about to rape me a moment ago, why is he doing as I say?

The cells were remarkably like the dungeons in the castle. The only difference was all the…toys. I shove the man into one cell and I close the door behind us.

When the door slams shut, he rushes at me. He grabs my throat and shoves me against the door. He pulls my scarf down and grips my face as if he would crush it in his grasp.

I growl, and hold my five lettered hand down on his chest. They burn into him and he cries out. Now that I have the advantage, I kick off his stomach and he goes crashing into the other wall.

Dusting myself off, I pick up one of his arms and cuff it. He starts refocusing just as I am finishing the other, and he snarls at me. “Fucking cunt,” he spits.

“Oh shut up,” I groan, rearranging my scarf. “I am sick and tired of this place already. I am trying to find my friend and I am not in the mood for anymore of this bullshit. I just want some facts.” I look at his savage face. “Which I’m guessing you’re unwilling to give me?”

He spits at my feet. “Don’t worry, I’m not an actual Fury, so I won’t hit you,” I inform him. “But you’ve probably already guessed that. Anyway, I need to go and you are a very loud person, so…”

Looking at the display on the wall, I ask him, as if I were asking for the time, “Which of these will knock you out quickly?” Ignoring his responding curse, I pick up a cane and analyse it. “Good enough.”

His eyes widen as I swing it up. “Sorry,” I tell him, before swinging it into his temple.

Praying that he didn’t have an even more damaged brain, I quickly got out of there and started listening in the other cells for anything of note. But there was nothing, no talk of humans, or anything sounding remotely like Daniel.

The woman probably lied to me. Of course she did; I had held her at knifepoint, or whatever the flammable equivalent is, and forced her to strip. She wouldn’t get anything from telling me the truth. Why the hell did I believe her?

Exasperated by my ignorance, I started walking out of the cells. But then someone grabs me by the shoulder and pulls me back in. “Let me go,” I snarl at him.

“I need you for something,” the man growls.

“Did it not occur to you I’m busy?” I retort.

“I don’t hear any customers of yours,” he replies. “I just need a helping hand.”

I automatically hear the euphemism first. “Can’t you use a Meek for that?”

“Not that.” He spits out the word as if it tastes foul. “We have a little problem back here, and I want to know more about it. I want someone to read him.”

Read him? “What does that have to do with me?”

“Since you’re not busy, you can do the job,” he replied. He takes me into a cell at the far end, and I look away from the occupants, trying to seem more polite than disgusted. There’s another door in this cell, though there wasn’t one the one I had been using. He leads me through the door into a well furnished room, which reminded me of Daniel’s own chambers. There’s one more door, and when we go through it, I feel a wave of dread crash through me.

Two chains extend from the ceiling, suspending Daniel’s arms in the air. His feet are attached to the floor by a similar set, and when he looks up, his eyes are detached and bleary.

“What can you tell me about him?” The man looks at me expectantly.

I hesitate, before walking over to Daniel. “I…haven’t read many people,” I say.

“And you call yourself a Fury?” the man spits.

“I can do it,” I tell him hurriedly, even though I have no idea what to do. Kneeling before Daniel, I cup his face in my hand, and I pray that he’s not gone, that he knows I’m here.

Almost if by magic, he begins to focus and he blinks himself awake. Then he takes in the sensation of the chains pulling at his arms and he hisses in pain. I put my thumb over his lips. “Shhhh,” I warn him.

He looks up at me and his eyes flash with shock as he realises who I am. His eyes look me up and down, and I know that he’s registering me, with my scarlet corset and black skintight pants. I turn back to the man. “What do you wish to know?”

“Start physical. Look at him, tell me what you can see.”

I hesitate. “He’s dehydrated. And probably starving. He keeps dissociating, or something of the like.” I just say things at random, in the unlikely hope he won’t suspect something. “Build…” I release Daniel’s face and walk around, checking for anything I can tell the man. Daniel’s shirt is gone, and I can see the bruises on his back. “He’s a fighter,” I say. “He’s taken some recent wounds, but these,” I indicate the lighter marks, “have been there for years. He can take a beating, probably anything you can throw at him.” I pause. “Sensitivity.” I rest my hand on his waist and I feel him flinch. I run it up his side and he groans. “Very,” I said. I turn to the man. “There’s no reason to torture this man. He’s not going to tell you anything while he’s still breathing.”

“You know him,” the man said flatly.

Trying very hard not to show anything, I look up. “Oh?”

“You forgot to mention that this man is human,” the man informs me. “It was almost as if you didn’t notice. Interesting.”

I clench my jaw. “I don’t see the difference, if I may be honest. And besides, who wouldn’t know him? He’s almost as well known as Kaya.”

He flinches. “You should know better than to mention her,” he growls. “The name’s taboo. We’re in enough trouble anyway.”

“Why is he here?” I ask. “I thought they had already interrogated this place. What reason does he have for coming here?” I grimace. “Apart from the usual reason.”

“The Meek,” the man groans. “Or rather, the one pretending to be.”

“What are you saying?” I can feel my heart rate rising at the word pretending.

“There was an infiltrator. What’s more, she was a human one. Understand now, Fury?”

I only took in the word human. “You mean…”

He sighs. “We found the girl after. They don’t know about her yet, but it’s only a matter of time. We should’ve killed her, if I may be honest.”

“You didn’t?” I frown. “Why…if I may ask.”

He looks at me as if I were an idiot. “I’m not a monster,” he says. “I know what everyone says of me, but I can’t kill someone just to avoid bad publicity. You might, but I can’t. It’s…cowardly, but I can’t live with her death on my conscience.”

“I think I can understand that.” I pause. “So you won’t kill her. Or this man.”

“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. But I can’t let them out either.” He thinks for a moment. “They can both work here. They’re both able bodied, well, he will be after he’s fed up again. We need to break them though.”

“Break them?” I already have a bad feeling in my stomach.

“This one especially.” He indicates Daniel. “Let out now, he’d attack the customers. He’s too wild.”

I close my eyes. “Isn’t that the same as killing them?”

“No one’s dying. Not really. Think of it as retraining.”


“Yes,” he says, completely unfazed. “Everything is fine as long as no blood is spilled. Much like how it is out there,” he indicates where the prostitutes are all coupling.

“There’s still the matter of ‘breaking’ him,” I tell him. “How do you break a man who has endured enough pain for a thousand?”

“Simple. You take the one thing he cares about the most, and destroy it in front of him. And there she is.” He looks at me pointedly.

I’m silent. “Oh don’t feel sad about it,” he says in what sounds like a comforting voice. “For what it’s worth, you put on a very good act. If you hadn’t probed further, you would’ve gotten away with it. You certainly behave like a Fury. And your reading is quite good, for someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing. Maybe that’s just your relationship with him, but still, you seemed to grasp physical and mental analysis quite well.” He smiles at me, but it only reaches his lips. “It’s your eyes which are the problem. Not something people care about usually. But they show too much emotion for someone around here…. If it makes you feel better, he was found fairly quickly, far faster than you.”

“What are you going to do?” I ask. They won’t kill you, but it won’t be pretty either.

“Waste not, want not,” he replies. “You can be broken in too. And then I’ll have two new employees. It all works out in the end.”

At that I burst out laughing. It’s a mad, maniacal sound, but that’s the last thing I care about. “I’m already broken!” I crow at him. “Broken beyond repair. Go ahead! Smash every bone in my body! Take anything you want, take everything I am!”

He shows nothing. “It’s fine,” he says easily. “We have things for freaks like you.”

Only then do I notice the two Fury’s behind me. Before I can react, I fall to the ground, weighed down by the massive shackles on my hands. “This is my field, Lady Madigan,” he tells me. “I make the rules here. And I accept your challenge.” He turns to the Fury’s. “Make sure he watches as you break her. That’s the point of this. Break her soul, and you’ll break his.”

I’m sorry Daniel, I thought, as the Fury’s approached me.


Who Am I?


“Cat Maaaaaaaadigaaaaaan,” I hear you nonexistent readers cry. “We wanna know what happened to your friend in Deliiiiriuuuuuuuuum.”


Nah, it’s alright. I do need to talk about it, at least if I want to make my bad mood seem more plausible.

As some of you nonexistent readers know, I had managed to get permission from Christan to see my friend from Reality who had ended up in Delirium. I’m guessing they thought it would help get him to talk more. I didn’t really care, I just wanted to see him.

It was Christan himself who escorted me, along with Daniel, who wouldn’t be left behind. When I objected, he rolled his eyes. “If things get out of control, someone needs to step in,” he said.

“I’d be fine,” I told him. “Even if he didn’t recognise me, he’d be chained up, wouldn’t he?”

“Your friend isn’t who I’m worried about,” he said.

I frowned. “I don’t follow.”

Daniel grinned. “You wouldn’t,” he admitted. “For a killer, you are far too innocent.” He doesn’t flinch when I slap him across the face. “I’m talking of that gift he gave you.”

“That ribbon? What of it?”

He sighed. “I am here to protect your virtue,” he informed me.

“What virtue? Mines already ripped to shreds. Here, at least.”

“Then your reputation.”

“…again. What reputation?”

“Alright then. I am here to stop Christan from taking you in the dungeon.”

“Well that was blunt.” I groaned. “Does this mean you’re going to make me wear a belt too?”

“Hey, I have nothing against you having relationships with people,” Daniel corrected. “The only thing I object to is you doing stuff to make others happy.”

I frowned. “Don’t I do that anyway?”

“Not in that sense.” Daniel groaned and shook his head. “Look. His Grace is a nice kid, but he has….the potential to turn into a tyrant.”

“Like Joffrey?”

He smiled at that. “Yes, like that turd of a Game of Thrones character. It’s just a matter of letting him learn his power. Do you understand at all?”

I nodded. “Only let a king know what he should do, not what he can do.”

“Good girl. Basically what I’m trying to do is to make him remember his morals. Just because he wants something, doesn’t mean he should have it.” Before he could continue, the door opened and Christan walked in, with Thommand following behind him. Both greeted us warmly, and vice versa. An outsider would’ve considered us happy to see eachother.

This wasn’t necessarily the case. My view of Thommand was along the lines of a serpent whispering in Christan’s ear. Daniel wouldn’t take his eyes off Christan, who greeted me as a dear friend, even though this was but the second time we had met. Thommand watched everything too, and even I noticed how Christan continued to hold my hand after he raised it to kiss.

We travelled down the long staircases, everyone giving us lingering looks as we passed them. I was wearing something more appropriate than when I was first in public; a long grey gown, not unlike ones which Jhaq occasionally wore. Did they look at Kaya the same way? I’d have to ask her that.

The ostentatious castle grew less ostentatious the more stairs we travelled down. When we were growing close to the dungeons, I was starting to feel glad that I didn’t live here all the time. It would be a chore to walk around this place all the time, like Daniel did.

I had stayed mostly quiet this whole journey to the dungeons. When we entered the long passage which would lead us to them, however, I started hearing sounds of a commotion, growing louder and louder as we walked. “What’s going on?”

Suddenly someone charged past us, and sprinted towards the entranceway. More followed, a dozen guards stumbling after him. “Don’t let him get away!” Christan yelled out.

I don’t know why I did what I did, or how. But in a split second, my hands were shaking and I was hurling a ball of light where the prisoner was running.

He stopped before the entranceway burst into flames. His hesitation was what cost him his freedom, as at that moment, a guard caught him up and slammed him against the wall. “Quick work Cat,” Daniel whispered.

Christan’s eyes were wide, as if he’d never seen something like that before. Thommand merely looked curious. “You’ve been training,” he noted.

“I’ve had practise,” I replied. I didn’t tell him how I’d been throwing fireballs at Daniel’s ceiling whenever I had been annoyed at him. Which was a lot.

“Just as well.”

I turned away from the three of them and walked to the prisoner. “Don’t hurt him!” I told the guard holding him up against the wall. “I want to speak to him.”

“Why? So he can bite off someone else’s hand?” he growled. The prisoner gave a dark chuckle at that, only to get slapped around by the guard.

“Take him back to his cell, for gods sake,” I demanded. “Or another cell if you can’t use that.”

“Who are you to order me around?” The guard turned to leer in my face.

I refused to cower. “My name is Cat Madigan and I just burnt down a stone entranceway,” I replied. “I am Daniel’s ward and Kaya’s student and I know this man, and I demand to speak to him alive, or so help me, I will turn you into charcoal!”

“Get. The fuck. Out of my sight!” he screamed.

I’m close to raising my hand to strike when Christan interrupts. “Return the man to his cell,” he ordered. “And if I dare see you speaking that way to Lady Madigan once again, you’ll join him.”

The guard bristled, but did as Christan said. He turned to me. “You have no idea what he’s done, Freak,” he informs me. “You’re a fool to want anything to do with him.”

The prisoner’s hair hung over his eyes, but I could see the rest of his face. There was blood staining his teeth, and his mouth curled up in a snarl.

I decided to try. “Papa Willis?”

His mouth shut close. He said nothing. “He’ll escape the minute his door is opened again,” the guard called to the others. “Give him one of the darker cells.”

“I want to talk to him!” I objected.

Daniel put his hand on my shoulder. I shook it off and began following the guards, who were leading Willis away. “Please, it’s vital that I speak with him!”

“Look, lady-” A quick flash of anger across Christan’s face made the guard pause before continuing. “This is a madman. He broke through the chains and bit off Sid’s hand when he tried to stop him. This door now…”

We come to a halt in front of a giant silver door with several restraints. “He won’t be able to break through this,” he told me. “And he can get his meals through here. No one’s gonna get hurt because of him.”

“I need to talk to him,” I insisted.

He groaned. “Will someone else reason with this foolish woman?”

Thommand stepped up behind me. “No one wants to risk one of their own from interacting with him. This cell will give him everything he needs until it is decided what will be done with him. Meaning this cell is not going to be opened till then.” His words were probably meant to sound sympathetic, if not for that look in his eye. “No one will be able to speak to him once he’s locked up.”

I paused. “For how long will he be imprisoned?”

“How should I know?”

The door opens and Papa Willis is dragged inside. I looked back at my three companions, and I followed the guards in. “Cat!” Daniel hisses.

“Lady Madigan, it’s not right!” Christan called.

I ignored both of them and stood next to my friend. The guards hesitated when I didn’t leave. “She’s with him,” Thommand said. “Hurry out.”

One of the guards went to chain me up. “Touch her, and you’ll all lose your hands,” Daniel growled.

As they left the cell, I looked out at Papa Willis. He hadn’t said anything this whole time. Outside, Daniel raised a hand to me, almost as if he were waving. He looked as if he were going to say something, but then the angry guard from before closed the door behind me.

“Well aren’t you stupid?” Papa Willis jeered.

I turned to him. “I prefer Cat, to be honest,” I told him. “But I can live with Stupid. Do you want me to fix your hair?”

He just spat at me. “Well, too bad, because it’s annoying me, and you’re chained up.” I went over to him and pulled his hair away from his eyes. They just glared at me. “How long have you been here?”

He doesn’t answer. “Okay…” I sighed. “They said that there were three of you. Who else was there? Slenderman? Smith? Flash?”

Papa Willis looks up. “Don’t talk about them,” he fumed. “You don’t know them, you have no right to talk about them as if you do!”

It then hit me. “You don’t remember me, do you,” I said faintly.

“Not really. Were you part of that crowd that brought me in?” He snorted. “You’re the most normal looking so far, I’ll give you that.”

I was silent. His frown wasn’t with irritation this time. More confusion. “Am I meant to know you?” he asked.

“I…” I looked down. “We were friends.”

Were friends,” he repeated. “What did you do? Leave me for some cooler people? Left when things got tough?”

“No…I never left,” I said. I felt like I was about to cry. “And I won’t leave either.”

Papa Willis scoffed. “I dunno. You look like you’d be comfortable out there. Your boyfriend would miss you too much to let you stay in here with me.”

“You don’t understand, I-”

“I get it, don’t worry.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m not stupid, I know what they’re doing. And I’m not talking either. No matter what kinky shit you try to pull on me.”

I flicked him in the nose at that. “Hey!” he complained. “Who flicks someone in the nose? Surely you can do better than that.”

I shook my head. “Come on now. I saw you outside. Go on. Hit me.”


“Why not?”

“I don’t want to. You’ve been beaten up enough.”

“So you’re a coward then.”

“That’s the last thing I am.”

“Then who are you?”

I inhaled. “My name is Cat Madigan. I know you don’t recognise me, but I used to call myself something else.” And I tell him my real name.

Before he could talk, I continued. “I…didn’t think I had changed that much. I didn’t realise I was so different from Reality. But…” Tears were now falling out of my eyes, but I couldn’t help it. “Do you remember her at all? You were like a brother to her. She was sixteen, with long brown hair and weird eyes? She could laugh at anything, but at the same time, it only took one sentence to make her upset. She liked to draw. She…didn’t have it that good at home. But that was okay. Because she had you and her friends. Even when she got lonely and sad, she knew you were there.” Even though I was close to sobbing, I tried smiling at him. “And now she’s incredibly pissed at you because you’ve made her cry!”

Suddenly the door opened and the guards came in again. They made a beeline for me, and started pulling me out by the arms. “Let me go!” I demanded. “Please let me go!”

They paid no attention as I kicked and screamed, and they wouldn’t let me go until they cell door was slammed shut behind me.

Then they started running as I started hurling fireballs everywhere.

My hand was mid-strike when Daniel caught me. I punched at him and swore at him, but he wouldn’t let me go. Eventually I just broke down sobbing, and he let me sit there for as long as I needed.

Finally, I looked up. “He didn’t know me,” I whispered.

He nodded.

“He didn’t know me,” I repeated. “Daniel…have I…am I really so different here?”

When he didn’t answer, I just leaned back on him, and felt his arms wrap around me. “Who am I?” I was murmuring. “Who am I Daniel?”

Mad Cat Begins


Yup. I’m doing the challenge again. Because I think it’s also important for me to talk about how I started writing this thing. Yes, superpowers and the story behind them are cool, but I feel like I need to remind myself why I started a blog and why I write the things that I do. So stuff people who want to hear about my friend in Delirium, and how I became a dominatrix for a day. That’s for later. Papa Willis will be first though, because that’s actually important.

So a year ago, I was in a bad place. Every night I would dream of going out to The Lake of Ghosts, and I would die. I think that would’ve been when I started going into Delirium on my own instead of seeing it from someone else’s eyes. I’m really not sure now. I should’ve been writing down what happened in my episodes, but I didn’t. I really regret not writing down my memories now.

So one night, after things got particularly bad, I filled the sink with water, and held my head underneath it. It wasn’t the most creative suicide plan, or the most elegant. But I was willing to go through with it, and I would make myself hold my head underwater until the end.

I changed my mind though. Obviously. Otherwise this wouldn’t be a blog about my adventures in Reality and Delirium. This would have a different name, maybe my real name. And instead of those stories, those mad ridiculous stories, there would be a eulogy of my short wisp of a life, containing all the little things in my Reality. It probably wouldn’t even exist. My parents would’ve announced my death, got the funeral over with, and tried to move on. Would’ve they said it was suicide? Maybe. If it were blindingly obvious.

Either way, the logical side of my brain kicked in, and I thought Why was I doing this?

I had become tired of the nightmares. I didn’t want to die the way I was in my dreams. And I just wanted to be out of pain. It seemed like the only option.

But…if I was going to die because of the visions, right there, with my head in the bathroom sink, that meant the vision wasn’t true.

And I was going to throw my life away over nothing.

So I quickly yanked my head out, coughed out a lung or two, and had a long talk with my friend after. I felt like the most stupid person on the face of the earth, and it would be at least a month before I could stand water again.

I got better though. Well, my depression did. Temporarily anyway. I decided that I was tired of keeping everything cooped up inside me, where it would just linger and mess with my head. But if I spoke out loud about what was happening to me, people would point and say “Hey look! There’s the schizophrenic girl who raves on about an imaginary world!”

So I write about it instead.

I have two styles of writing. And one of them is Ranting. My best example of this would be Bandaids. That one was a bitch to write, I kept crying the whole time. Ranting is essentially me writing about things which have happened and relaying how I feel about it.

The other one is usually used when I’m writing about Delirium, and when I use it, I feel like afterwards it sounds like I’m writing fiction. That bothers me a bit, but for some reason, I prefer writing it that way. This way, I feel like I can remember things from Delirium more clearly. Of course, there’s some things I’d rather forget. But I have to make myself write about the bad things too. Because they’re important too. I need to get them out of my system as well.

Sometimes it’s hard to remember what happens in Delirium. I have days where I can remember everything crystal clear, and others where everything is a blur. That’s probably why I’m behind on explaining what happened with my friend in Delirium. I’m getting there though. Tomorrow, that will be posted. I reckon that the longer I’ve been in Delirium, the longer I can remember things for afterwards. Of course, I remember the key events. I just get a little slow on the details.

Occasionally, it does feel like I’m writing fiction. When I’m remembering it all, I sometimes wonder how I managed to do whatever I had done. Cat Madigan in Delirium can seem like a different person than Cat Madigan in Reality, and I would never have the courage to do in Reality what I do in Delirium.

The killing is one of those things. I get scared about what I do in Delirium, and I contemplate whether or not I could do so in Reality. But it’s more than just being able to take a life. I feel stronger in Delirium. Maybe it’s the superpowers I mentioned yesterday, but I am willing to talk back more. I can speak clearer, act faster. Basically, I feel like I can be more than a useless freak of nature.

I do feel hopeless at times though. No one can control what happens to them, and that goes for me too in Delirium. I wish to god I could change what happened there. Not just to me. I wish that Jhaq didn’t get hurt, I wish that Kaya didn’t have to die, I wish that the world there wasn’t going to ruins. You would think I’d be able to change what happened. But the fact is, I really don’t.

I might be an author when I write on here. But when it comes to Delirium, and the mad, twisted things that happen there, it’s someone else who’s in control of that story.

How I Got My Superpowers


I have a bit of explaining to do. Not just to my nonexistent readers, but probably to Daniel and Kaya and some of my friends as well.

As some of you have probably noted from some of my posts, I have become sort of immortal and sort of prone to setting things on fire. In my Delirium of course. It would be awesome to do that stuff in Reality, but unfortunately, that can’t happen. Dang.

Now I know the Daily Prompt Challenge is meant to be about how I became a writer. And I’ll do that. Tomorrow. I promise. But I got inspired by the superhero origin story stuff, and I really wanted to write a post about my own weird…hand…thingymaginky. Plus the immortality. But I prefer the flamethrowing stuff.

I think it probably started when I was discovering Kaya’s nasty habit of taking over whenever I went into Delirium. We were at the beach, and I fell into Delirium.

I remember vaguely what happened. Mainly, I remember Kaya screaming. I couldn’t see her, I don’t think anyone would be able to see her again. But she was screaming. The monsters had her surrounded. She was in pain.

Yeah…I’m not entirely sure why I did what I did. I have debates whether or not I regret it. But I had charged at them. I gave Kaya enough time to get back to Reality.

Then they cornered me.

I wonder if they had killed me, would I still be in Delirium? I’m uncertain. Before, I had always been afraid of dying. Originally, when my Delirium had been starting out, I didn’t have visions from my own point of view. I saw it from Kaya, Nereida, lots of people. Most of them died, with me feeling and seeing everything.

Then, somehow, I ended up there. With my own body. And now part of me is stuck there.

The prison they locked me in is one of the most terrifying places on Earth. I wasn’t sure who to fear more; the guards with swollen heads who liked to watch as their prisoners scream, or the captives, who would stare at me with a detached creepy expression on their face as they laughed at nothing and would scream out randomly.

I found out a couple of things. They wouldn’t kill me. I think at the time I was relieved to hear that. But they weren’t going to let me go. Let me explain to you what kind of ones these monsters are. In order to know what they know, they have suffered massive deformities in their bodies. Their eyes seem to bulge out of their giant heads, and a few of them are missing their senses in order to enhance others.

These people, with their impossible intelligence, they want to develop, they want to create new things. It had started with themselves, but then they found a better solution. Prisoners. Anyone guilty of a major crime would be ‘donated’ and they would come here. After that, what happened to them would be a secret to all except their torturers.

That was how things were before Kaya. Kaya and her refusal to stay dead. Kaya and her stubborn determination. Kaya and her bright purple eyes and shock of white hair…

When Kaya did what she did, she showed people what really happened. And now they’re thinking. Thinking is dangerous, you see. Before, people thought this was a good idea. But they didn’t really know. And now they do.

Either way, the monsters never cared about what others thought. They went about as they always did, doing as they wished. And I would be their next victim.

Apparently Kaya was trying to get me out. Negotiate a deal. I didn’t know who at the time, but I’m guessing now it was the fat man, aka. Thommand. Either way, she didn’t go through with it. Why, she won’t tell me.

Later on, I think I described what I had done as a deal with the devil. It probably was, when you consider it. But it was the only thing I could do. I wanted to get out before I was reduced to the screaming wrecks which inhabited the prison.

So I made an agreement. With the monsters. I would be allowed out of that place, and in could live with Daniel and be free in my own Delirium.

In exchange, I would have to return occasionally. Every while and then for a check up.

And they would stick a needle in my arm that would make my blood burn.

I couldn’t speak to Daniel after. They let me out, and he found me wandering the outside world. I went back to Reality not long after in a similar predicament. I spent an hour searching, until I found Papa Willis and pretty much sprinted into him. I was so happy I was alive, but at the same time, I felt as guilty as hell.

I would still consider it a prison. Delirium itself is a prison. I can’t escape it, and I can’t avoid it. But I’m glad that I’m not staying in that hellhole of a cell forever.

Sometimes the monsters have other ideas. They go back on their agreement and chain me up when I try to leave. I never let Daniel come with me to these…checkups, because they would chain him too. Instead, he comes to break me out whenever I need help.

Not that I always need that help.

I think the first time I had found out about my hands would’ve been that time I had named The Rage of a Cat. When I consider it, I think that that was probably the aim of their injections. The immortality was just sort of a side effect. And when they found out about said immortality, they took it more as a challenge. They tried to kill me in as many ways possible.

The very first time I had died, I was stabbed.

I think the second time was when my guts were torn out. But there might have been another before that. Most of it’s a blur.

Later, they tried to kill me by hitting me over the head. That time was different. I managed to get revenge, or at least some animalistic satisfaction from murdering the man they same way he murdered me.

That’s another thing I’ve noticed. I’ve become…stronger. I can fight back for once. I feel like I am intimidating enough to have control of myself now.

But…I also feel worse about myself. That time I got revenge wasn’t the only death I have caused. The bad thing is that I’ve forgotten how many I’ve killed. And who. I never knew who I had killed. And reading back my words, I sound like an utter monster.

I suppose I’m frightened of what I’m becoming. Being in Delirium is slowly taking away my humanity, bit by bit. And because of that, I’m scared of myself in Reality as well. Because I know I’m capable of doing the same thing there.

But when you think about it, I’m not entirely a monster. If I were, Daniel would’ve abandoned me by now. But he hasn’t. He still cares about me even if I’m a murderer and psycho. So there has to be some bit of good in me somewhere.

I’m not a superhero. I’m too fucked up for that. But I’m not the bad guy either. I’m just a freak. And that’s fine with me.

Fear the Freak


I have a new name to add to the many I listed in The Many Names Of Cat Madigan.


I was in class when it started. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a large black mass that could only mean that something was going to happen. I left class immediately, murmuring an excuse. I walked past, he started following me. I ignored him until we entered the bathrooms, empty because of class. “You have a lotta nerve,” I told him, in the most threatening voice I could muster.

“That’s no way to talk to me, Lady Madigan,” he replied. “Perhaps I should leave Daniel to die?”

“Now you’ve got my interest,” I said. “You see? If you had given me hint of that, we wouldn’t be here.”

“It matters not, right now.” He and I start walking away as a bunch of students start walking over to where we are.

“So where will I be going this time?”

“Somewhere new,” he said. “Daniel brought you in with him, but no one knows who you are, or where you are.”

“How did he do that?”

“You’ll find out. When you get there, I’m going to need you to find out information about our little intruders,” he told me. “Someone had sheltered them here, and I want to know who.”

I said nothing at that. “Any questions, Lady Madigan?” I shook my head. He nodded. “Start asking the women, they’ll tell you anything,” he informed me. “And go from there. If you get caught, they won’t kill you, but it won’t be pretty either.”

“Why is Daniel going to die?” I demanded.

“Oh, of course. Daniel is there as well, but unfortunately, he was asking too many questions and they’ve locked him up somewhere. That’s another thing you have to do, though honestly that’s more of an optional extra.” His voice was barely containing that smug undertone. “Will you go now?”

“After you,” I said to him. I didn’t trust him to be left alone with Kaya, especially when she’s in a bad mood. She had found out about the corset.

He vanished. I went to the disabled stall, the largest one in the bathroom and sat down.

When I woke up, things were remarkably familiar. It was dark and stuffy, and only a slight bit of air coming through. I was in a bag again. Great.

This one was easier to escape. All I had to do was untie a single strap and I could step out.

I felt around, looking for some indication of where I was. I touched soft fur and ran my fingers across lace, until I found one part of the wall which I could push away.

I stepped out, and looked at one of many closets I had just stepped out of. The euphemism didn’t escape me, but before I could chuckle, I realised I could hear other people.

I turned around. A large curtain separated me from them. If I had been more innocent than I was, I would’ve pulled back the curtain. But I soon recognised the sounds, and I recoiled.

I was in a brothel.

People were having sex within earshot of me.


I looked down. My school uniform was probably the least appropriate attire for this place, but I didn’t have anything else.

Then I remembered the closet. I went back, looking at the contents. There was only one outfit in there, and it reminded me of a straitjacket. Great. Well, that had to do.

“You shouldn’t be here,” a female voice said behind me. Directly behind me.

I froze, and she chuckled. “I know what you are,” she murmured, her lips tracing the back of my neck. “And I know they’re hunting you and your little friends. Oh no, they’re not here,” she told me. “One of our Meeks let them go. Stupid girl. On the plus side, now that you’re here…” She gripped my shoulder. “Maybe I can get back into m’lord’s good books if I hand you over.”

“I’m not like them,” I told her. “I think I know who ‘m’lord’ is, and I think you’ll find that he knows me, and will not be pleased that you gave me away.”

Her seductive laugh was right next to my ear, her hot breath tickling my neck. “Oh, you are cute,” she whispered. “Those three were pathetic, but I could definitely have some fun with you…”

I turned around. “I think you don’t know who I am,” I said to her, raising my hand. The one that says F R E A K, the letters glowing with heat.

She flinched at the sight, and turned to run. She wasn’t fast enough though, and the second she turned around, I caught her around the neck, my burning letters searing her neck. She gasped. “Not a sound,” I warned. “You can handle the pain. I don’t want any trouble, and I’ve killed too many people already, and I really don’t want to get into the double digits. I just want to find my friend. Compri?”

She hissed. “Fine.”

I release her neck, but I have a death grip on her arm. “Where can I find the woman who helped the intruders?” I demanded.

She glared at me. “Try the cells. That’s where the Meeks usually go.”

“What exactly is a Meek?”

“Meek, submissive,” she told me.

“Oh…” I understood then. “And you would be…”

“I’m a Fury,” she said. “Dominant.”

“Thanks. One more thing.” I hadn’t entirely forgotten my school uniform. I needed something else.

And there wasn’t anything in that closet…

“Take off your clothes,” I told her.

“That costs extra,” she replied, not missing a beat.

I raised my hand again. “Fine,” she sighs. She takes off her own uniform, a red sheer lace corset and her tight black pants. Once she was stripped, I pulled on the pants and slipped off my school dress. When I struggled with the corset, she sighed, and hooked it for me. “Amateur,” she said, tightening the laces.

“Thank you. You’re quite cooperative,” I noted.

“I changed my mind,” she told me. “I’m happy to help now.”

“I thought you were a Fury, not a Meek.”

“You learn quickly.” She laughed again. “I like you Miss Madigan. Yes, I do know who you are now,” she informed me. “People tell you a lot of things here, and your name has slipped out a couple of times.”

I grimaced. “You would do well here,” she continued. “You’d be a wonderful Fury, if you weren’t so shy.”

“Who said I’m shy?”

Immediately her hand slid down between my legs. “Whoa!” I half-shrieked. I span around. “No! Not cool!”

She just smirked. “You were saying?”

I sighed, and I picked up a piece of red fabric in the closet. I started tying it around my face, leaving only my eyes uncovered. It fell down past my shoulders, so I wrapped the extra fabric around my neck. “Do I look the part?” I asked.

She nodded. She was still standing there, naked. I frowned. “Are those real?” She grinned in response. “…never mind.” I turned to the curtain. “Thankyou…whatever your name is.”

“You forgot something.” When I turned around, she handed me a long thin object. “Anyone asks, just whip them into shape.”

“Thanks.” Whip in one hand, and whatever courage I could muster in the other, I stepped through the curtain.



Daniel burst out laughing.

“Surely it’s not that funny,” I point out.

“Yeah…it is.”


“Calm down Kaya, it’s not that bad.”

Try me.

“Look, what am I supposed to say? No, I don’t want to do the photoshoot because my evil twin doesn’t want to?”

But did you have to accept it?

“Hey, it looks like fun! And I get to wear a wig and contacts.”

Doesn’t make it-

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Daniel speaks up. “But I believe you’re confusing your imaginary audience.”

“Right. Now shut up you two.”

So I was contacted by a photographer last night, and he was interested in doing a photoshoot with me as one of my drawings.

Why do you post your drawings on your modelling page anyway? That’s what your modelling photos are for.

Yeah, well, it shows that I’m more than a pretty face.


“Shut up Daniel.”


Okay, so this is the picture that he wanted to recreate:

It’s pretty cool, if I do say so myself. But guess who it’s of.

I believe they can already guess.

…yeah. Hehee.

Now do you understand why I’m uncomfortable?

Calm down Kaya.

Why? You’re going to be pretending to be me!

I know. It’s like I’m cosplaying as my split personality!

Oh let’s not start this argument again.

Look, I don’t see what the big deal is. Can you explain it to me?

I find it insulting.

Oh boohoo. How is this insulting?

Can you really walk around in a dead person’s skin?

“I’m sorry, what do you think she was doing for the first few months we knew her?”

I wasn’t dead Daniel.

“It’s not making fun of you Kaya, I promise.”

Cat, I’m sorry, I don’t like it.

“Then don’t come near me! Just stay away, do the stuff you do when you’re not inside me.”

Daniel snorts.

“Shut up Daniel.”

Why should I allow this?

“Because this is my body and I call the shots.”

Not always…

Daniel growls suddenly. “Don’t even think about it.”

So you’re on her side?

“Of course.”

…are you ever going to forgive me?

“I’m not like Cat,” he replies.


“I didn’t mean it as an insult,” he tells me. “I lost faith in this world a long time ago Kaya. I’m too tired to be forgiving. And it’s too late for me to forgive you, isn’t it?”

The headache goes away all of a sudden. “Kaya’s gone.”

“Thought she would.”

“Haven’t seen her so irritated since she found out I was planning to buy a corset,” I note.

Daniel smiles grimly. “She just takes everything personally,” he says. “When you’ve been hated for years, you tend to take everything that anyone says about you as an insult.”

I sigh. “I didn’t mean to piss her off.”

“I know you didn’t. She probably knows that too. I guess she just doesn’t want you to pretend to be her, make a fool out of her.”

“…that doesn’t make sense.”

“It only has to make sense to her,” he points out.



“What has she done that’s so horrible?”

Daniel groans. “Do we have to go into this?”

“Yup. Look, I know how she died. But I’ve almost done the same thing. Exactly the same, actually.”

He shakes his head.

“What do you mean Daniel?”

“Cat, she’s not dead, not really. She was in your head a few minutes ago.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

He places his hand on my shoulder. “That’s not what’s meant to happen. She’s still alive, she just doesn’t have a physical body.”

“There’s a difference?”

“Believe it or not, yes. If she were dead, she wouldn’t be here at all.”

“But she is here.” I frown. “That doesn’t explain why you hate her.”

“I wouldn’t call it hate,” he admits. “But the person she’s turned into…”

“What has she turned into?”

He groans. “It’s complicated…fine,” he says after seeing my face. “The way I see it, Kaya gave up on her world. She left all of us in a sinking ship.”

“And? So what? I am guilty of doing the same crime! What’s the difference between Kaya’s crime and mine?”

“I hadn’t finished. The difference between the two of you is that you had no desire to live. That was why you did what you did. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a selfish thing to do. Kaya’s is worse though. She…” His jaw clenches. “Don’t believe what she says Cat. Human bodies may have their faults, but they’re a lot better than being a ghost.”

“She wants my body?”

Daniel’s eyes widen and we start howling in laughter. “Oh god,” I gasp out. “Shit, I should’ve seen that. How did I miss that?”

Daniel just shakes his head. “Well that lightened the mood.”

“Seriously though.” We straighten up. “Kaya wants to take over?”

He nods. “But why? I thought she didn’t want to live?”

“She didn’t want to live the way she was living,” he corrects. “Suicide is one option, but there was another way.”

“And what would I do?”

“You’d go to Delirium,” Daniel explains. “From her eyes, it does sound fair.”

“I agree.”

“But it’s not,” he finished. “Kaya has already lived one life, and that she threw away. To take over someone else’s, yes even with their consent,” he informs me, “isn’t right. She’d be hurting your friends, family…and that young man your friends were talking about on the ferry.”

“…not you too.”

“Hey, I can do whatever I please,” he says. “My point is, she has done…this, deliberately. It’s not that hard to die, well, there are exceptions,” he says pointedly. “But she’s done this so she has the potential to take on another body. And for that, I can’t forgive her.”

“Because she wants to live a life without pain?”

“Because she’s willing to hurt the people you love to do it,” he corrects.

I’m silent for a moment. “…if that’s the case, then who have I taken over?”


“I have a physical body Daniel,” I remind him. “Both in Reality and Delirium. How does that work?”

“Well….how about another time?”

“No! Now!”

“I’m tired Cat. Just…think over what I’ve said, alright?” He raises my hand to his lips. “You be good now,” he tells me. “I need to take care of something.”

“So I shouldn’t trust Kaya,” I say out loud.

Daniel sighs. “Kaya would never hurt you,” he says. “But she doesn’t harbour the same feelings about the people you care about.”

I nod. “But why should I trust you and not Kaya?”

He turns around and grins. “Maybe you shouldn’t trust either of us,” he tells me. “But then where would you be?”

The Many Names Of Cat Madigan


Today, we shall talk about names. Because I don’t feel like talking about my friend who inexplicably turned up in Delirium. So there.

Obviously my name is not actually Cat Madigan. Not in Reality anyway. That would be way too cool.

The reason I do use Cat Madigan is because that’s the name I was given in Delirium. I had been given the nickname ‘Cat’ when I was in primary school, so I kept that part of me. My last name though, is nothing like Madigan. It just came out of the blue, and I was stuck with it.

I don’t mind it though. I like Madigan. Whenever I get the opportunity, I don’t call myself by my real name, I say “My name is Cat Madigan.” I took on that identity when I ran away. Sometimes by reflex, I almost call myself Cat Madigan, even with my friends.

It’s partially habit as well. When you spend almost as much time in Delirium as Reality, it takes a toll on what you identify with. As a result, I respond to two names; my real one and my Delirium one.

I used my Delirium name because obviously, if I used my real name, my parents would most likely find this blog. I know, it’s not best for our already strained relationship if I keep secrets from them. But to explain a whole other universe that only exists in my head to one of the most judgemental people in the world would be too much to handle; they’d be angry at me for not telling them, and then they’d begin trying to stop it at every turn, until they eventually lock me up like an animal. And I really don’t want to run away again. What else is there to do if you’re locked in a cage?

Apparently, in Ireland, Madigan means ‘little dog’. That’s sort of ironic, isn’t it?

You have another name.


Your hand, Cat.

…oh. Thankyou Kaya.

Yeah, there’s that one too. Five letters following, F R E A K. That’s my third name. It doesn’t hurt me though. Not like it once would’ve. Yes, I’m a freak. A complete anomaly. I’ve always known that though. And when you think about it, the freaks are the ones that are stronger, aren’t they?

Another thing about names; I wonder how I came up with all the ones from Delirium. Daniel and Kaya for example. Like, why would Daniel call himself Daniel as opposed to Mark or Lawrence or something. And I’ve never met anyone named Kaya before. Just like I’ve never met Thommand before, or Nereida, or pretty much anyone in Delirium with those names.

This is turning into me rambling about random things, so I am just going to look up those names and what they mean.

Daniel means: God is my judge. Apparently there was a prophet in the bible who rose to favour by interpreting visions that the king had. He also had four visions of the end of the world. Whoa….

Kaya means: Willow, wise child, yew tree, forgiveness (…really? Kaya?), home, stone. Well that tells us a lot. Not.

I couldn’t find Thommand, but I did find Thomas. It means ‘twin’, and probably ‘doubtful’, according to the bible story.

Nereida is a nymph or sea sprite. Well that part hasn’t changed.

Christan, I’m guessing, is a deviation on Christian.

I think I’ve rambled on enough about names for one post, so while I’m here, I’m going to give you a quick update on things. I have numerous assignments which require finishing, and I had my school social on Friday. Since then, my friends can’t stop singing a particular song involving me, another person and trees. Ugh…

Till next time.

Cat Madigan

The Prince Charming


“Come down from the tree Cat.”


“Cat, you can’t stay up there forever.”

“Yes I can.”

“Cat…” Daniel’s voice takes on a sharp tone. “This is a social function. It might not be one from your Reality, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t show the same etiquette.”

“Since when do you care about manners?” I retort.

“Since about now. Now get down!” he snarls.

“Fine.” I jump out of the tree and land on one leg on the blue grass. I walk past Daniel back to the castle without saying a word.

He follows me, equally silent. “Would you like to tell me why you’re in such a foul mood?” he asks, his voice quiet, even though there’s no one around.

I ignore him. He just sighs. “Just promise me you’ll behave,” he says, and leaves me at the door to his chambers.

I enter, and I slam the door behind me. When I turn, I’m startled to see someone there. She’s just as surprised as me, and she drops the large pile she’s holding when I open the door.

“Oh!” I exclaim. “Jhaq, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know-”

She nods hurriedly and resumes to pick up the ocean of fabrics at her feet. “Here, let me help,” I tell her, scooping up a couple of the items. “Who is this for?”

Jhaq looks down as she speaks. “Miss Madigan, certainly,” she says. “His lord sent them for Miss Madigan.”

I grimace. “He shouldn’t have…” It’s too pretty. I pick it up from the bodice, and I can see that it is embroidered with bronze coloured leaves. I run my hands over the fabric. Velvet. The softest, silkiest velvet I’ve ever touched. Fuck. “Jesus Christ…” I murmur.

“Who is Miss Madigan talking to?” Jhaq asks.

“No one. I…” I turn to her, and she flinches away. “What is happening tonight?” I ask her.

“It is the celebration of His Grace’s first day of age,” she informs me promptly. That’s what I could rely on from Jhaq. Unlike Daniel, she would tell me anything I asked, providing she was capable of understanding my question. Not about Daniel of course; whenever I so much as mentioned him she’d go black in the face. I figure that’s their own form of blushing, but when I first saw it happen I thought they were dying.

“I see…” She’s holding out the dress for me, so I reluctantly take off my clothes -my school dress and shoes- and step into it. She ties the laces for me and steps away with her head bowed.

I walk up to the mirror and look at myself. The dress is the colour of the grass I walked on earlier; deep navy blue. The leaves of bronze cover the bodice and short sleeves, and when I turn around, they fall down my back, like a train. This is not meant for a rude little girl, this is for a princess. “People will look at me,” I say aloud. “I don’t belong there. I won’t ever belong there.”

“People will look at Jhaq too,” Jhaq reminds me. Instantly, I feel horrible. Jhaq’s face has tattoos running from her eyes to the ends of her jaw, like tears, and her dark bruises scarring her cheek and collarbone are easy to see. Jhaq’s face shows nothing. Like me, she doesn’t show sadness easily.

“Should we go?” I ask softly.

She gives a sudden gasp. “Miss Madigan’s head firstly,” she says, and rushes off. She returns quickly with a box. “This is for Miss Madigan’s hair,” she tells me.

I open up the box, and Jhaq pins more bronze leaves in my hair. She lets my hair down so that it trails down my back, and Jhaq nods in approval. “You have been good,” she tells me, her eyes sparkling in a rare moment of amusement. “Other girls huff and scream at Jhaq when she does their hair.”

I shake my head. “They’re only pins, and they don’t hurt,” I told her. “How is your talking coming?”

“My…talking is good. A lot better.” She inclines her head and speaks in a whisper. “Thankyou for my words, Miss Madigan.”

“If you ever want another lot of words, let me know.” Daniel has many ‘words’ in his bookcase, and he won’t miss them. “Shall we go?”

“Miss Madigan shall go,” she confirms.

I frown. “Where do I go though?”

Jhaq sighs. “It is down these rooms,” she tells me. “Follow, if you would please.”

Jhaq leads me out, and we walk together down the long hallways. I find it cold and unwelcome here. Grand, certainly, but not beautiful.

We walk past a tall one and Jhaq turns her head away. He walks toward us suddenly, and I raise my arm across my face in a moment of habit. He walks past me however, and toward Jhaq.

And he hits her across the face.

“You’re not to be wandering these grounds at this time,” he fumes. “Foolish slut, get away from here!” He raises his hand again.

Before he can strike, I step between them. “She is guiding me by my own request,” I tell him. “She has done nothing wrong, and you have no reason to harm her.”

He glares at me. “Oh, it’s you, little freak,” he sneers. “What are you all dressed up for?”

“Daniel wants me by his side tonight.” Even though he knows that I hate the idea of a party with these people, and I’ll be in a bad mood the whole time. “I don’t want any trouble. And neither do you, if you know what I am.”

“I’d be a fool not to,” he retorts. “Freak.

I meet his gaze and smile. “You’ll have to come up with something better than that,” I tell him. “Freak is no longer an insult to me. Now…” I gesture to Jhaq. “If Jhaq isn’t allowed out here, perhaps you can show me where to go?”

His face is no longer angry. It is emotionless and cold as a statue. “Of course,” he says shortly. “If you will follow me.”

I turn to Jhaq and incline my head, like I’ve seen Daniel do. She curtseys slightly and hurries away. I trail after the rude man, and I don’t take my eyes off him for a moment. He is wearing a silver robe, as bright as his hair. His eyes, however, are black as ink. One of these things is not like the other… I mused.

It’s all too grand. Everything is done up in gold and bronze. Even servants are painted in gold. I stand next to the man, on top of glossy, golden stairs. I manage to stop myself from wrinkling my nose at the lack of taste, if only just.

“You like it not,” the man says.

I turn to him. “This is all new to me,” I inform him.

He nods. “Your name is short for Catherine, is it?”

“Why do you wish to know?”

“Daniel’s mentioned a Catherine.”

I shake my head. “That’s not me. I am Cat, simply Cat.”

“Lady Cat. It does not sound as easy on the ear as Catherine.”

“Then what about Lady Madigan?”

He sighs. “Very well then. Start down the stairs.”

“After you sir.”

He bows and starts down. When he reaches the bottom, I start walking too. I spot the back of Daniel’s head; his hair is tied back, and he is dressed all in black. When they call out my name, I see him start to turn around, but suddenly, everyone starts walking forward, and I can’t see him any more.

Someone walks up to me and takes me by the arm. I freeze, unsure what to do, and he laughs. It’s a loud, clear sound, and he smiles at me. “Peace,” he says. “You must be nervous.”

I don’t trust myself to speak, so I just incline my head. Keep it up Cat Madigan. “A shy young thing, aren’t you?” he enquires. He does not let go of my arm, and he walks me across the hall. “Contrary to everything I have heard about you.”

“One would hear many things in this place,” I say as clearly as I manage.

He laughs in response. “Is it true though, that you kicked over my advisor?”

“Do you mean…” I nearly say ‘Fat man’, but I correct myself at the last minute. “…Thommand,” I finish.

“Yes. He has a certain dislike for you,” he tells me merrily, stopping at the edge of the giant room.

“He should.”

When I say nothing else, he talks again. “This is the first I have seen of you,” he says. “Why do you not leave your chambers more often?”

“…I don’t get along with people well.” That’s as honest as I get.

“I disagree. You are conversing with me, and I believe, if I may dare say, that we are getting along at least somewhat well.”

“I suppose,” I admit. I look around the room and I catch people quickly glancing away from me. “Still, there are plenty here who would have nothing to do with me.”

“So why are you here today?” he enquires.

“Daniel,” I tell him.

“Ah…yes. How loyal of you,” he says. “I suppose that is another reason why you never leave your room.”

It takes me longer than it should’ve to understand his implication. “I do not know your name,” I say, changing the topic. “I know nobody here, and I should really remedy that, shouldn’t I?”

“Of course.” He sweeps a bow to me. “Christan, though, I think it would suit everyone else better to call me Your Grace.”

Oh….fuck. “Just as well, Your Grace,” I said, quickly recovering. That’s why people were looking before….Cat Madigan, you stupid bitch… “I know only one person called that, and he is a….” I struggle to come up with a ladylike word. “I do not enjoy him,” I say finally.

“As you wish.” He is handsome, in his own way, I observe. He has silver hair, like the man from before, but he has golden eyes, which shine like the sun, and a permanent smile on his face. He is the image of Prince Charming. If Prince Charming was lacking eyebrows.

I didn’t trust him.

Not a lot, anyway.

It wasn’t anything he did. I simply don’t trust handsome strangers who flirt with me for no reason.

He started talking again. “So, when can I expect your first day of age?” Christan asks me. “Of course, it doesn’t matter much, but if you allowed me, I’d be happy to bestow upon you a gift. Or Daniel perhaps.”

I start panicking in my head. What does Day of Age mean? I screamed inwardly.

I just said, “In two years.”

“I see. And how many moons?”

Moons? Wait, does he mean months? I restrain from laughing at the term. “Six.” If it means what I think it is.

“Very well then. Well, I believe I shan’t keep you from Daniel any longer. I wouldn’t want to cause a scandal here tonight,” he laughs, taking my hand.

Suddenly there is a loud bang. “What is that?” I ask, immediately on guard. I feel my hand burning, and I’m grateful that Christan is holding the other.

“The prisoner,” he says, a touch of exhaustion in his voice. “Do not worry, my lady, this isn’t the first time this has happened.”

I take the opportunity. “I was wondering, Your Grace,” I started.

“Go on.” He looks at me with his golden eyes.

“Might I have your permission to see him? The prisoner, I mean.”

Christan frowns. “He’s wild, my lady,” he tells me. “I wouldn’t want to compromise your safety. Besides, we are still trying for information from him.”

“I am human,” I remind him. “Like he is. Maybe I could help?”

“A pretty face might prompt him to tell us something,” he said thoughtfully.

I snort, not at the flattery, but at what would be said in Reality about that. I could almost hear Slenderman sniggering “Heheheh, incest.”

“I’ll consider it, my lady,” he tells me. “Now, if you’ll come with me.” He and I walk over to Daniel, sitting in a dark corner with a cone in his hand. “Daniel!” Christan calls jovially. “So this is the lovely lady you keep locked away from us all. I don’t blame you, my man.”


Daniel sees me flinch, and his lips turn up at the sides. “I thank you,” he tells Christan. “And I thank you for letting me bring her, Your Grace.”

“Ah, it is my pleasure.” Christan was distracted by another beauty passing by, wearing pink and gold and far too much face paint. “If you will excuse me, I must attend to other matters. I hope you enjoy tonight, my lady.” He raises my hand to his lips to kiss and bows, before turning to another girl.

I sit beside Daniel. “Thankyou,” I said.

He turns to me with his eyebrow raised. “I am allowed to see him,” I say. “It’s probably more for interrogation, but I can see him.”

He frowns. “Really?”

“What? You didn’t think of this?”

“Actually, no,” he admitted. “You asked His Majesty?”

I shrug. “He must like you,” he muses.

Another shrug. “Would you like him?” Daniel asks, eyebrow raised suggestively.

I shook my head. “I don’t go for the Knights in Shining Armour,” I told him.

“Oh, you’re more of the Heathcliff type, are you?”

I wrinkle my nose. “Heathcliff is pathetic. He’d probably marry me and ship me off to somewhere dark to die, while he pined over a married woman.”

“Fair enough.” He takes a sip out of his cone.

“Whiskey?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Cloud dew,” he tells me. “Want some?”

“Doesn’t that mean rain?” I ask, but I take the drink.

He watches me as I take a sip. “You’re behaving quite well, Lady Madigan.”

The drink is sickly sweet. “Thankyou. But if you didn’t take me here to get permission, why did you?”

Daniel smiles. “You like parties.”

“…when I’m around people I enjoy,” I amend.

“Do you enjoy me?”

“Occasionally.” I narrow my eyes. “When you’re not drugging me. What was that for?”

“I was saving your life,” he said mildly, taking the cone back and having another gulp.

“How can you stand that drink, it’s horribly sweet.”

“How appropriate,” he says drily. “It’s alright, I have you, my sour tongued shrew.”

“That’s a rhyme,” I smile.

He grins back. “You forgive me?”

“I will eventually.”

“Good girl. Now.” He stands up. “May I have this dance, m’lady?”

“Do I have to?”

“Well, everyone else is. And the alternative is His Grace, who is coming this way now.”

I look up. “I’ll take His Grace.”

“Whatever. Just watch out for his hands.” He winks at me as Christan appears and holds out his arm before asking if I would accompany him in a dance.

Two dances is all I have with him. Daniel was right, throughout the dance, I’d slowly become closer and closer to His Grace, and by the end of the second, when I asked if I could go back, he pressed a ribbon into my palm before bowing to me and kissing my hand.

When I showed Daniel the ribbon, he sniggered, trying to conceal his face from the crowd. “Please don’t tell me what I think it means,” I said flatly.

When he looked up, his face was straight, but his eyes were gleaming. “It’s a scarlet ribbon, you whore,” he told me cheerfully. “Since when is scarlet ever innocent?”

I grimace. “You’ve had too much to drink.”

“On the contrary. I’ve been feeding on only sweets and secrets all evening,” he said. “Of course, though, I’d like something more savory now. Come dance with me.”

“I told His Grace I was sitting out this one.”

Daniel smiles slyly and turns to whisper in my ear. “Dance, or I’m going to have to make a scene.”

“That’s blackmail.”

“Hadn’t noticed,” he said dryly.

I stand up, and let him walk me over to where everyone is dancing. “I’m curious as to what sort of scene you’d make,” I start. “Would you care to divulge that little secret?”

“No dice,” he tells me. “If I start telling you all my secrets, how will I stop?”

“I have three I want to know. And you don’t know half of mine.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Trade for secrets, hmm? You’ve peaked my interest, Lady Madigan.”

“So what would’ve you done?” I ask.

“Something more public and more embarrassing than a scarlet ribbon.” He grins. “Number two?”

“Who is Catherine?”

He grimaces. “You don’t have to answer,” I tell him. “But I won’t judge.”

“Someone from a long time ago,” he says.


“God no.”

“You’re not going to tell me any more, are you? Fine then, I’ll be just as discreet with my answers.”

“I wouldn’t expect any less of you. And third?”

“What is the beginning of the end?”

He stops smiling. “Do I want to know?” He shakes his head. “How do you even know? Are you psychic?”

“That is more than 3 questions, Lady Madigan. My turn now.”

I braced myself. This would be painful.

The Definition of ‘It’


After discussing my cancelled abandonment of Reality with Flash, I was tired. Exhausted actually. Being a depressive schizophrenic is hard work.

And then my head threw another bombshell at me.

I woke in Delirium being shaken awake by Daniel. “Argh…Daniel, I’m tired…” I complained.

“Yes, well, unfortunately for you, someone wants to speak to you,” he informed me, pulling me out of bed.

“For gods sakes, haven’t you noticed I’m wearing my nightdress?” I grumbled.

Daniel sighed and shoved me his jacket. I barely pulled it over one arm before he grabbed it and kept pulling me. “Who is so important that he can’t wait to see me in proper clothes?” I asked, somehow managing to get the rest of the jacket on.

“Remember Thommand?” I was dragged out of Daniel’s chambers, and down the long spiral stairs.

“Which one is Thommand?” I hissed.

“Fat man,” he replied. We came to a large door, and Daniel hammered his hand against it before barging in, pulling me behind him.

The fat man, or Thommand, who had my throat slit a month ago, gave as much courtesy as Daniel did. “You,” he pointed to me. He walked up to me and slapped me across the face.

Instantly, I struck my foot at his legs, tripping him over. My foot ached when it came away, and the ground seemed to shake as he fell, but I didn’t care. “How dare you,” I snarled.

“Control her Daniel!” Thommand barked.

“She’s under control,” Daniel replied, making no move to restrain me whatsoever.

I watched him get up. “You have no right to hit me, and the next time you do, I’ll do more than kick you to the ground!” I told him. “Are we clear, Thommand?”

“It’s m’lord to you,” he informed me frostily.

“Then act like one,” I retort. “Now what do you want?”

I heard the words ‘wretch’ and ‘she-cat’ under his breath. “I want to know how you arrived here,” he told me. “How you first came to this world.”

“So do I. But this is just as strange to you as it is to me.”

His hand twitched beside him. “If you’re lying to me-”

“I have nothing to gain by lying.”

“Yes you do,” he insisted. “There are humans here, just like you when you arrived. That would be something to gain.”

I froze. “What?”

“So you didn’t know?” Thommand shook his head. “Caught in the next village. Three of them. One is dead and the other is being brought here.”

“What are their names?” Daniel asked.

“The captive won’t say.”

“You said there were three,” I interrupted. “What happened to the one who wasn’t killed or captured?”

His eyes narrowed. “Gone,” he said shortly. “We’ll find him though. We found Daniel.” He started out the door. “The captive is coming now. Follow me.”

Shaking off Daniel’s hand, he and I strode out behind the fat man, who was surprisingly quick. “So why did you strike me?” I demanded.

“Shock value,” he replied. “I wanted the truth, and fast.”

“I wouldn’t say anything else,” I objected.

Daniel stopped me. “Cat, go back to my chamber, now.”


“Court business,” he said. “This is no place for you.”

At the same time that I was saying “I will not be left behind!”, Thommand had stopped and said “The girl stays.”

“I forbid it.”

“Don’t command me, Daniel.” I returned his angry look. “I am not weak.”

He paused. “You’re not,” he admitted. “Come along then. Knowing our men though, the man’s probably nastily wounded.”

I could see Thommand bristle as we continued walking. “Is he getting treatment?” I asked Daniel.

There was no reply from him at that. I wondered where I could find a nurse in this place, and hopefully one who might be able to help with what I needed.

We arrived in the courtyard to find a crowd gathering. It was the first time I had seen so many of them. And as soon as I came into view, they all turned to me.

My first thought was that I really wished that I was wearing something less inappropriate than a scarlet silk nightdress and Daniel’s jacket.

The second thought was how different from Daniel they were.

I hadn’t really noticed the contrasts between Thommand and Daniel, but I became aware of them once I saw the others.

I had thought that Thommand had a fringe- and I had thought how stupid it looked. But as I looked more closely, I realised that it wasn’t the case. His hair line started from where his brow would be; it wasn’t a fringe at all.

That explained Daniel’s absurdly long hair. These people would probably want their hair to grow pretty long…but I had seen people with ordinary fringes. Not to mention eyebrows. I’d have to ask Daniel about that.

The people in the fanciest dress- by fanciest I mean most ridiculous- all had clear, grey eyes. They were beautiful, I suppose. In a way. But it was too over the top. They were the ones who stared at me the most. No one paid attention to Daniel. They treated him as if he weren’t there, sort of like a bad smell. But they kept giving me looks and whispering as they turned away.

I heard shouting, and people walking by. “Daniel, can we get closer?”

“This is fine, Cat.” Daniel was unnaturally still, as if he were afraid to breathe.

Slowly, I started walking away, dodging the strange people as I tried to get through the entrance of the building. It was no use; even though there were guards pushing everyone back, I still couldn’t see.

Then I spotted a window. It wouldn’t be dignified, but I would never be admired by these strangers, only seen as an animal.

I could reach it, so I lifted myself up onto the ledge. It was one of those windows without glass, so I clung to the edge, praying I didn’t fall back.

I could see everything from where I was. There were two lines of people, surrounding one attraction in the centre. A young man was walking towards a group of people, who stepped aside, leaving one man alone. He had long sandy hair that covered his face, and his arms hang by his side, in shackles.

“Hello Cat Madigan,” a voice suddenly whispered into my ear.

It was him. The man that’s more corpse than living flesh. “Can’t they see you?” I whispered.

“Of course.” I could feel him beside me. “They won’t remember I was here though. I’ll vanish from their memories.”

“What are you?”

“Something weird,” he told me.

I knew that phrase, it’s mine. “Are you like me?”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. But we’re different. Like two members of the same species.”

He chuckled. “We are definitely not the same species.”

“I didn’t mean it in a literal sense.” I look down at my hand. My five letters are glowing again. “This is…what I can do. And you….mess with people’s heads.”

“You are clever,” he said approvingly, and he kissed me on the cheek. He laughed as I grimaced; he’s so cold, it’s like a fish kissing me.

I would not let him get to me. “You messed with Kaya’s head too,” I told him.

“Not like them,” he objected.

“Doesn’t matter, you’re the one who killed her.”

“Ms Madigan,” he whispered. “Instead of accusing me of such trivia, you may want to watch what’s happening before you.”

“What do you mean?” But he was gone.

I glanced down, and looked at the scene. The prisoner was kneeling on the ground, his hair held back by one of the guards behind him. He had no expression, no emotion on his face.

But I knew him.

This person was one of the few things that kept me in Reality.

What was he doing here?

I leapt down from the window, only to be tackled by Daniel. He lifted me and carried me into the shadows, despite my struggling. He held my hands and feet behind my back, ignoring my growling.

When we were away from everything, he put me down. “I’m going back!” I yelled.

“You’re not,” he told me. “Believe it or not, I’m saving your life.”

“Believe it or not, it’s not something I treasure,” I retorted. “His, however-”

“Don’t even think about it. Not now,” he pleaded.

“I’m going.”

It happened in an instant. His arm was wrapped around my neck, a sharp object touching the skin of my temple. “Don’t make me do this,” he growled.

Go ahead, I thought. “This is my friend. I would do the same for you,” I told him.

“And I would respond the same way.”

The needle pierced my head and I started feeling drowsy. “I hate you,” I grumbled, as I faded out.

The Last Day on Earth


Thankyou, lack of Internet. Thanks to you, I can only post this four or five days after it happened.

Before what happened, I had been doing a lot of thinking. About everything.

My Delirium, according to numerous psychologists, acts as a reflex mechanism. Whenever I am stressed or emotionally unstable or even simply tired in Reality, I leave it, and go to Delirium. Where even more bad stuff begins to happen. I think you have a good idea of what ‘bad stuff’ is, nonexistent reader. If not, maybe you should actually read what I’ve posted.

It’s tiring, being torn between two worlds. Not to mention confusing; when I’m in Delirium, I can stay there for weeks, and then I snap back to Reality where I’m expected to know everything that happened seconds before I blacked out. And other times I don’t black out at all, I merely switch, and my evil twin is there instead.


Fine. My split personality is there instead, and is also expected to know everything. Did I mention we both have very different upbringings? Kaya can rabbit on for ages about politics and social expectations in her world, Delirium. And I can talk about drawing and books and how to take care of a baby (our current topic in Children, Family and the Community), until she interrupts me by asking Who’d want to have a baby for god’s sake?

My point is, I was exhausted of becoming adjusted to Reality again and again, only to keep being dragged down to Delirium. But then I realised something; I would never just snap back to Reality. I’d only do that by my own choice, from what has happened thus far.

And if I left Reality, no one would notice if someone else was in my place…

I think, imaginary reader, you can see where my thoughts were headed. In my own defence, my brain is not only prone to sending me into another world, but it is also prone to depressive mood swings and anxiety attacks. And it seemed like a good idea at the time. It usually does, doesn’t it?

So I decided to spend one last day in Reality. I drew zombies (one of them I’ll post soon,) I watched Game of Thrones, I left one last message to the person I loved and hated the most. I had been left all alone in my house, so I could do anything I wanted.

I’m not sure if what I was going to do was equivalent to suicide. In a way it was, I guess. It would be leaving the world permanently, well, if I had my way.

But then I thought of Flash.

And how much Kaya hated him. Along with everything else.

Could I really let this madwoman take over me, and tear apart everything I hold dear?

Yeah, I could. It wasn’t like I would be there to see it all unravel. I’d be in my own little world.

And then Daniel was beside me.

“Don’t,” he growled, “Even think about it.”

“Why not?” I retorted.

“I wasn’t talking to you.” His eyes bore into my skull and the look on his face was as if I had slaughtered his little goddaughter. “Let Kaya come out, Cat. I need to speak to her.”

“Wh-” I was cut off, and I felt myself falling back, faster and faster until I hit a wall.

“What do you want, Daniel?” Kaya snarled in my voice. It echoed in my head, and sent a chill down my spine; it was me, yet…

“Why are you doing this? This is her own life Kaya.” Daniel didn’t cower before Kaya.

“She doesn’t want it!”

“You shouldn’t have thrown your own away!”

“Do you think I wanted to?” I was suddenly shaken around, and I realised that I, well Kaya, was sobbing. “You should know better than anyone that I have no control over what happens to me!”

“That was your own choice though. Not anyone else’s. Yours.” Daniel’s voice was cold, and so unlike him.

“Daniel, she wants to stay in Delirium! She wants to be there, be with you. You would take that away?”

“She doesn’t belong there,” he told her softly.

I felt myself rising and falling. “Neither do you,” Kaya whispered. “You’re not like anyone there either. If anyone shouldn’t be there, it’s you Daniel.”

“I’ve got nowhere else to go.” His face was lined with sadness. “That’s the difference; I’m trapped there. The only reason I’m here right now is because of her.”

“I have a name!” I shouted out.

It didn’t come out of my mouth, but I knew Daniel could hear me. Something flickered across his face, but he didn’t reply to me.

“It can work out Daniel,” Kaya insisted. “I’ll be good, I promise. I’ll keep my head down, I won’t attract attention, I won’t hurt anybody. Please…I want to live Daniel.”

“Kaya…” Daniel closed his eyes. “When you had died, I would’ve given anything to bring you back. You were my only friend in that damn place.”

“And now?” she whispered.

Daniel inhaled. “You’re still alive,” he told her. “In a way. Besides,” he grinned. “How many times have you complained about wearing human bodies?”

Kaya didn’t laugh. “I could get used to it,” she insisted. “It’s just the feel of it, but I-”

“Kaya.” Daniel became serious. “It’s not right. It’s not far to Cat’s friends and family. Even if she wants to, it doesn’t make it right.”

“Oh for fucks sake!” she screamed out suddenly. “This is the one thing I’ve wanted in my entire life. The one thing that I can have no questions asked! She would allow it, I-”

Daniel’s hand cracked around my face. I felt something rush at me, and suddenly, I could feel Kaya’s breath on me. “Ugh…..”

“Cat Madigan.” Daniel caught my hand as my body went tumbling down. “I need to talk to you, young lady.”

“Don’t!” Kaya pleaded.

I hesitated. “Cat Madigan,” Daniel repeated. “If there’s one thing in this world that means something to you, come out, even if it is for the last time, come out!”

Ignoring Kaya’s protests, I came forward.

I could feel my cheek stinging. “Ow!” I complained. “You backhanded me!”

“I backhanded Kaya,” he corrected. “And truth be told, I’m not that happy with you either.”

“Are you going to hit me too?”

“No, I-”

“We’re the same person Daniel,” I pointed out.

“No, you’re definitely not.” He paused. “Do you still want to leave?”

I nodded. “I know, it’s weakness. But I am weak in case you haven’t noticed.”

“Before you make any rash decisions,” Daniel cautioned. “I think you’ll find that someone really wants to talk to you.”

“What do you mean?” But he was gone already.

It took me a while to realise what he had meant. Then I remembered.

The person I loved and hated the most had messaged me back.

And he made me change my mind. Twenty minutes of messaging managed to change my decision. Needless to say, Kaya was not happy, but she didn’t argue much. Maybe she’ll wait for me to be in a more fragile position before trying.

And then, it happened.