The Need for Secrecy (or not…)

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Last time, on The Adventures of Cat Madigan…

I may have had a slight emotional breakdown.

I ended up writing a post about my parents, and in my stupidity, I shared it on Facebook.

Meaning my friends (or at least ones that care) know about my home life.

And my crappy blog.

And probably who Cat Madigan is.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge.

So to sum it up, I am scewed.

Dammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammit…

Ok, meltdown over.

I suppose I should be asking myself if I would want my friends to know about my blog. Which brings me to the reason I began this thing.

The main reason The Adventures of Cat Madigan started was so that I could record everything that happens to me, write down everything I’m feeling, so that I wouldn’t have so many things kept to myself, and I wouldn’t end up drowning in them. I think that’s my biggest problem; I can’t express emotion the same way everyone else does. If I’m not happy about something, I will usually keep it close to my chest, because at home, disagreement with my parents is seen as the highest disrespect. And disrespectful children will be punished.

But as of late, this is becoming too much for me. At home, I’m not allowed to think for myself; if I argue with my parents, there’s yelling and screaming on their part, and I end up losing because I am a child and I know nothing. I hear a lot of words from my parents when they yell at me; disrespectful, ungrateful, and lazy are words that come up in a lot of our fights. Here’s how they usually come up: I want to do something. My mother doesn’t want me to go out for reasons that she refuses to explain, or that she hasn’t come up with yet. She gets backup from my father, who is rarely around, but will back my mother’s side every time, because children can’t win arguments. I try to reason, and I get named disrespectful. Always that one word… Don’t they have imagination? If I had courage I’d tell them to come up with something more creative. But I’m a coward, so that’s not going to happen.

So I keep a lot of things to myself. I’m trying to break out of the habit as of late, but it’s difficult. Writing a blog is easy, talking back to people is not. With blogs, you can hide behind this persona who is telling the story. Which is why I’m worrying about my mistake yesterday. People now know the identity of Cat Madigan. True, some already did, but there’s now the frightening prospect that people can point at me and laugh, “Hey look, it’s that crazy girl who writes that blog!” Another bad thing about this is that people could start pestering me about the things I write, and try to find out who the people I write about are. Or people I write about may not like being written about. There’s always that possibility that people won’t like what I have to write about, but I knew that when I started writing, and if there ever comes a day from a nonexistent hater that rants on about something I’ve written-may not necessarily be about them- I’ll accept the consequences of my actions.

Okay, imaginary fanbase. I’ve ranted it out of my system.

So welcome, random friends on Facebook who have stumbled across my previous post and decided to keep reading!

Just remember these ground rules when you’re on this blog, (even if you’re only here because you’re bored or you were looking for something nasty and you got lost.)

1- Do not call me by my real name if you choose to comment. Think of it as my secret identity, one which I do not want found out. Just imagine how you’d feel if I exposed one of your secrets, (yes, that secret. The really embarrassing one involving a teddy bear and whipped cream. Wouldn’t want people knowing that, would you Batman?)

2- Do not ask me, “Oh, is this person actually ___________?” Because I will not tell you. Or maybe I will, but my answer shall not be true. Either way, just don’t bother asking!

3- Don’t tell others of my identity or anyone else’s. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being kidnapped and murdered by creepy stalkers, and I know most of my friends wouldn’t either. (Except maybe MJ, he might be into that shit.)

So that’s it. And it is now time for Question of the Day! (Yes, I’m still doing this crap, even though my nonexistent fan base never does.)

How do you deal with your problems? Do you write about them, like I do, and if so, do you write in a blog or in a journal or something else? Or do you actually talk about your problems like an ordinary human bean? If you do blog about them, post your link in the comments below, and I will find you, follow you, AND THEN YOU’LL NEVER BE RID OF ME, MWAHAHAHA! >:)

If for some reason, you wish to see my last post, it is right here. Feel free to tell me whether or not I did a stupid thing, posting on Facebook like that. From now on, I’ll try not to do something that idiotic, but I’ll probably forget in a few weeks, knowing me. :p

Ta ta for now.
Love Cat Madigan.

Welcome!….now what?

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Soooooo, this is my blog.

Now what?

Hmmm….

Ooh, how about I tell you about myself! Because that’s what you’re meant to do on a blog anyway. Tell people shit. 

Okay, here goes.

Welcome to the Adventures of Cat Madigan! Or perhaps a possible alternate title, Stuck in Two Worlds.

Because that’s probably the best way to describe my state of mind at the moment.

That’s also why I’m here. Well, one of the reasons.

Basically, at the moment, I have problems with recurring hallucinations. It’s been going on for more than a year now and it’s been increasingly hard to cope with them, along with the current world I’m living in. 

For the purposes of this blog, which may or may not be abandoned after two weeks of writing to a bunch of nonexistent fans, I’ll refer to this world, the world where my friends live, along with the strange people I call my family, as Reality. Reality is full of stuff like school, and modelling, and racewalking, (let the duck walk jokes begin….oh wait, I need fans first, that’s right,) as well as all the things an ordinary person would experience in everyday life. Reality. Is that too boring a name? Too bad, nonexistent fan.

But there’s also this other world; a magical place full of wonder….not. In actual fact, it scares the living shit out of me. People and places that don’t exist, things appearing that don’t make sense. It’s not all pretty lights and voices; at times I genuinely believe that I’m being attacked. Sometimes I feel like I’m being burnt alive, dying by degrees. So now that my nonexistent fan base has an idea of how insane I am, let me introduce this place inside my head, the land known as Delirium. Yeah….for someone who has vivid hallucinations, you’d think I’d be able to come up with better names for my worlds than Reality and Delirium. Oh well. Next body, I’ll have a more creative brain.

So why am I writing this stuff now? Well like I said before, I’m going mad. My brain is working overtime and I’m struggling to make it through everyday. Have I made a suicide attempt? Yes, just one. Drowning. Do not recommend it. Or suicide attempts in general, as a matter of fact. But anyway, I need something to record my thoughts and feelings, everything in Reality and Delirium. But writing a diary is far too boring. Plus I don’t get to show off my rad writing skills, (yet another thing that doesn’t exist.) Another reason for doing this is that I enjoy drawing things. Things that I could potentially show to people and say “Look at my picture, and tell me how pretty it is!” So I can post shit on here too, for strangers and my imaginary fans all to see! 

Ok…what else….

Oh, and no, my name is not Cat Madigan. And the names of everyone I may mention in the future have been changed to protect their true identities, (which may or may not include Batman.)

So non existent people of the Internet who read this, what’s in store for you? Like I said, everything from the worlds of Reality and Delirium, as well as rants or ideas I may have. And drawings, ooh, I love drawings! <3

And before I wrap this up, if you do exist imaginary fan, let me know. It would be nice to know that some random on the Internet is reading my stuff. :)

Ok, I’m done for now. :) l8rzzzz <3333

^dafuq was that???