Cats and Bondage

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Also known as why I choose to be wary of badly written fanfiction/Fifty Shades of Grey.

By the way, the books are terrible, as is the movie. I wouldn’t feel the need to bring it up if it weren’t for the massive outcry that it portrays BDSM in the wrong way. If human beings were an intelligent species, then this would go without saying; this is literally fanfiction from Twilight. A number of things should become apparent from this knowledge; A, it features an average ordinary girl who has the personality of a dishcloth, and a Heathcliff. 

As for why I despise Heathcliff, let us leave that for another random blog post. That might take too long.

B, It is pure fantasy. The entire purpose for fanfiction is so that fans can create the story that they want from the given source material. Aka, FANTASY. Whether or not it applies to aforementioned source material/reality does not matter.

C, More often than not…the fanfiction isn’t that good. Especially fanfiction that’s based on a typical young adult novel that involves romance. Because the writer in question (I’d put writer in inverted commas if it weren’t for the backlash I’d receive from nonexistent readers for the characterisation) is often prone to creating an idealised version of themselves as the character. This is called a Mary Sue, and it’s that stereotype that makes up the Bellas and Anas in the world. Anyway, the reason why this is bad for stories is that when the story revolves around aforementioned Mary Sue, it creates an atmosphere where you already know what’s going to happen. Things will always wind up in her favour, whether she actually deserves it or not. Supporting cast will always support her, apart from obvious antagonists. Eventually, you’ll get sick of the story, and the Mary Sue. Or worse, you’ll love her, and act exactly the same way.

Okay, so now you’ve realised these three things, this is what you should understand from this; this is a fantasy, and therefore, you should not take this as a literal representation of BDSM, or relationships for that matter. It’s okay to enjoy it, and to be curious about dominant-submissive relationships, but you have to remember that this is a work of fiction, and the rules of reality don’t apply here.

This would go without saying if humans in this universe had more than two brain cells. However…it appears it’s not the case. As a result, impressionable women are seeing Christian Grey as their ideal man, which is not a healthy thing to be believing.

I think the appeal is partly because of the ‘bad boy that can be tamed by the sweet girl’ trope. Like Beauty and the Beast. For Fifty Shades of Grey, it’s the ‘shattered individual is healed by the sweet girl’s vagina’ trope. And I can understand the appeal; people want to believe in something as idealistic as love. Love is great. Love makes you human. Love also makes you stupid. This is why I recommend that people take this stuff with a pinch of salt, because the main message being projected towards the audience is basically “anything is possible, because…love”. One can only imagine the consequences of this when it comes to impressionable humans. Especially girls. I’m not stereotyping; like it or not, the majority of romance dramas are aimed at women, and obviously they’ll identify with the movie more than men will.

So what are these aforementioned consequences of thinking this way for silly humans? As a member of a private girls college who observes the actions of her classmates on a daily basis when there’s nothing to do, I can provide several situations. Candy (yes, I’m intentionally using names from the What Not to Call Your Daughter List) may acquire the idea that if she ‘loves’ her lazy, emotionally distant boyfriend, he’ll end up changing for the better. Lexi might start thinking that she’s not worth anything unless she has a hot guy to love. And Krystal could decide to go along with her boyfriend’s selfishness and wandering penis, because…love.

I am an extremely cynical human being. 

Then again, at least I’m not stupid.

Here’s the general gist of what I’m trying to tell you all.

You’re not a slut/idiot/perve/ditz for reading or watching Fifty Shades of Grey. Curiosity is part of human nature, and it’s okay to read naughty books from time to time. And it’s also okay to try out new things that you might come across in the book if it strikes your fancy. Personally, one of my limits is getting caned or whipped, for obvious reasons, but I do enjoy trying new things and seeing what I enjoy and what I don’t in a safe environment. 

You can enjoy reading about sex, even if it is considered badly written. I remember Daniel and I used to play a drinking game in Delirium where we had to read it aloud for as long as possible without laughing, and the other person had to down drinks until the reader cracked a smile, (the game was surprisingly balanced; between my ability to read faster and therefore laugh earlier and Daniel’s ability to gulp a glass of garnet dew in a matter of seconds, we ended up drinking the same amount per turn). Anyway, that was my way of enjoying it, and I invite you to enjoy it however you choose to. 

It’s okay to like it for what it is; fiction. This is not a guide to living and it shouldn’t be interpreted as such. BDSM should not be an excuse or an outlet for abuse, and love should never be an excuse for anything. 

And on a shorter note; to all the feminists who scream negative crap about women in general who willingly choose to play the submissive role in BDSM relationships, feminism is about women having the right to engage in whatever activity they choose to without judgement, and you’re imposing on this right by saying that sexually submitting to a man makes you nothing more than a plaything. Women should be allowed to express their sexuality however they want; they are just as entitled to be dominant as they are to be submissive. They can choose be sexually active or celebate. They can choose to only have sex with the man (or woman) they’re married to, or they can choose to have multiple partners. THATS NOT UP TO YOU.

Rant over. Sup?

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The F@ck You List…Part TWO

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Energy Status: Depleted. Utterly depleted.

Which makes no sense, considering how pretty much all I’ve done today is watch Pewdiepie and The Fine Brothers.

Maybe I should do something mentally stimulating…

Okay…time to get up. Yaaaaaaaaawn.

What should I talk about today? Something that won’t make me come across as a bitchy teenager who hates everything in the twenty first century.

That certainly narrows the field down.

Stuff it. Let’s whine about 2013 again!

Or…I could just finish the F@ck you list.

I believe I had gotten up to 25 last time, I’m going to try to get 50 things this time.

So, f@ck you:

26- Facebook. Thanks to you, the only way I can talk to people is by depending on Internet and faceless communication.

27- Candy Crush. I don’t care for you, and your brainwashed zombie minions who continue to invite me to play you can’t change that. Also, how many times have I received a notification and gotten excited, only to find a plea from my zombified former acquaintances to play your fudging game! Not cool.

28- God. Are you drunk or something? Why the hell do I have to be your entertainment?

29- Grandma. Yes, I know…you were raised in a different time, but why is it disrespectful when I choose to sleep instead of interacting with you? And why is it not disrespectful that you constantly criticise me in every way possible. And for the record, I love dessert. And I don’t give a damn about pimples.

30- Bullying. What is so funny about picking on people? Also, why is it tolerated? Look at freaking Amanda Todd. I don’t even like her; I find it stupid that she gets called “Beautiful and Inspirational”, when there’s millions of other kids who have done the same thing, and the only difference is that they hadn’t gone on YouTube. But her death wouldn’t have happened if people had left her alone, just like all those other kids who’s names won’t be remembered because they didn’t make a video.

31- Religious Extremists. Please, can you try to back up your beliefs with proof? If you’re going to try and convince other people that what you believe in is true, the least you can do is give them reasons other than “the bible said so”.

32- Atheist Extremists. Stop pissing off Religious Extremists. They’ll blow up the world if they think it’s right. It’s one thing to disagree with them, if you’re an atheist, you go ahead and be an atheist. But don’t go out of the way to tell them that their God is stupid, worthless or anything along those lines.

33- Steve Jobs, for making us dependant on Apple devices.

34- Tigger. You are not amusing, even in the slightest. And if my friends heard what you said about them, they’d beat you to a f@cking pulp. Also, you are not helpful in the slightest. It is not considered helpful to enable our mother’s depressive and semi psychotic rages.

35- My mother again. Stop talking behind my back. Seriously, you wonder why I don’t talk to my family members. Also, I just heard that derogatory remark about my seizures. Fuck you. That’s how pissed I am, I didn’t censor it.

36- Writers Block. Seriously, how am I meant to write when my brain refuses to get into that setting?

37- That part of my brain which makes me want to write at the worst times. Such as during mass.

38- Fanfiction. For making me question my sexual tastes. And for the record, yes, I’m still straight. Grandma.

39- That Bitchface who knocks my hand when I’m drawing. Hope you’re enjoying yourself, now you don’t have a head.

40- Dizzy Spells.

41- Inconvenient phone calls.

42- The Australian Government, for somehow failing to legalise gay marriage. How did they mess that up. Even America is getting there. America. Let that sink in Tony Abbott.

43- People who raise their children to blatantly hate people because of race, sexuality, religion, etc. Bigotism is not cool. I don’t think it’s even a word.

44- Modelling. Yes, I’d like to be skinny, but I’d also like to eat icecream.

45- People who shoot children at schools.

46- People who provoke people who end up shooting children at schools. How many times do I need to repeat this? Bullying is not okay!

47- Gangs. Look at me! I have an entourage, I’m powerful! Let’s bash up the elderly! Ha ha ha! Stuff you guys.

48- Society. You have sex? You’re a slut. You don’t have sex? You’re frigid. You cut? Stop seeking attention. You want to end it? Seriously, how much more attention do you need? Then after someone commits suicide, “Oh my god, what a beautiful person, god bless, society sucks”. The ultimate hypocrite. I could go on.

49- Tumblr. Whyyyy do you spoil my favourite tv shows? :'(

50- British Television, for only coming out in Britain. Because in the time between its release in Britain to its release in Australia, there’s an infinite amount of spoilers. It’s not just Tumblr, Facebook’s just as evil.

51- Shows glorifying teen pregnancy. Whiny, selfish girls are not good mothers. Just because you babysit does not mean mean you’ll be a good mother.

52- iPad’s inability to pirate. F@ck you Apple.

53- Books. Or at least the ones in the library at school. It’s the same story nowadays. An ordinary girl meets someone from the supernatural, who tells her she’s not ordinary. They eventually fall in love, and on the way, they battle evil supernatural beings who wish to take over the human race. Second scenario: a hero lives in a dystopian society, and they inadvertently become the symbol for the rebellion by doing…pretty much nothing apart from being plain ol’ them.

54- Authors who make Mary Sues in stories. And in case you don’t know what a Mary Sue is, it’s a character which is essentially a perfect person, and more often than not based on what the author wants to be like. Basically, the author places himself/herself in the story, not necessarily as the main character, but as someone who becomes more prominent/important than the main character, if they themselves aren’t the main character. This character has the best frigging luck in the history of the world, and has no flaws whatsoever. Also, this character won’t die, because they are the author’s special pet. And if they do die, their death is majestic and so beautiful it effects the story entirely. Oh, and before I forget, they usually have a traumatic backstory, causing them to be extremely secretive/mysterious, making them an object of obsession for the main protagonist. Stories are not there so authors can make fantasies involving themselves. Yes, I’m looking at you, Twilight. The worst case of this is Fifty Shades of Grey. Worst case of Mary Sue in history.

55- ‘Authors’ who refuse to kill off their characters because they love them too much. If you truly care for your creation, you need to make the story stay in their minds. And how you do this is you create characters they love and stay with them, which means when you kill them off, they are genuinely shattered. Yes, you have to be a monster. No, I don’t care that you love your favourite character, who is secretly a representation of what you’d want to look like. George RR Martin lives by this, he knows that people read his books because everyone talks about them.

56- Stores, as we’re moving away from the writing before I start a giant rant. I love my trench coat, you do not diss the trench coat!

57- Disney princesses, for creating unrealistic expectations of life in my four year old mind.

58- My friends, for informing me about the dirty side of Disney. Want some examples? Next list.

59- The nostalgia I get for school during summer holidays. Then when I get back, I realise that I don’t miss school anymore, and I want to go back to the world of laziness.

60- Twilight, for brainwashing half a generation of girls into falling in love with mercurial, beautiful men, often before the age of 13. Also for making every other teen fiction book sink to your level. Ughhhh.

61- Emilia Clarke, who inhabits the sexual fantasies of every nerdy male in the universe. And the occasional nerdy female.

62- Shipping. You have ruined books, television, movies, video games and story driven material for me. Not to mention YouTube.

63- People who ship themselves with band members/celebrities. C’mon guys, they don’t know you exist, it’s okay to have the occasional fantasy, but when you think about it, what’s the chance that they’re going to measure up to your expectations in person?

64- Fanfiction involving band members/celebrities and a fan/Mary Sue. *vomits*

65- Smut involving band members/celebrities and a fan/Mary Sue. More specifically, One Direction smut. This idea becomes even worse when you consider the fact that the majority of One Direction’s fan base are 12 year old girls.

66- One Direction, for corrupting the minds of today’s youth, and giving teenager girls unrealistic ideas of boys. Then again, I’m kind of terrified of them. They have an ARMY of impressionable 12 year old girls around the globe. How frigging scary is that?

67- Justin Bieber. For being a huge frigging Dickwad. I remember I got so much hate years ago for hating Justin, because he was a 16 year old kid who was a popular singer and was considered a beautiful person. But now, when you look at the stuff he’s done, peeing in mop buckets, speeding, and spitting on fans…seriously? Why is he still loved again?

68- Manga. Everyone is beautiful in anime. It’s not fair.

69 (Teehee)- Anime, because live adaptations don’t even begin to measure up to the animated series.

70- justgirlythings. They really must be running out of stuff to make if they’re posting stuff saying “Wearing a belt <3".

71- Youtubers, simply for being perfect.

72- The Boob Fairy, for skipping over me instead of Lady Delamore, who is already massive. (Love you DD ^_^).

73- My maths teacher, who paid no attention to whether or not I learnt anything in 2013.

74- People who get famous for stupid things. Just…no.

And for 75…

75- MILEY CYRUS. You have lowered the standards of young women. Just because other people are doing the same edgy stuff does not mean it's a good idea to f@ck up this generation further! Eagerly awaiting your nervous breakdown, by the way.

And that's it. This one was a b!tch.

Love Cat Madigan. Xox