The F@ck You List

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Hello humanity!

Merry fucking Christmas!

Okay…now that I’m out of my cave of depression and chocolate, time for my first Christmas speech.

No I don’t care that it’s three days early. I want to write NOW.

Grrrr.

This is my first year writing this stuff. As some of you nonexistent readers may know, I had started this blog after I had attempted suicide, in order to get stuff out of my head. 

So. Nine days till the year ends.

How do you celebrate the end of a year that has been absolutely shit?

I present….the Fuck You List. It’s exactly what is sounds like.

So fuck you:

1- Brain. Thanks to you, I have scars on my hands, scars on my leg, a horrible sense of what is reality, and two imaginary friends.

2- Flash. You gave me hope and then you took it away. We’re friends, I’m guessing, but I’m not going to be so stupid as to trust you. Not as much as I did anyway.

3- Daniel. Fuck you for following me when I ran away, and continuing to piss me off ever since.

4- Benedict Cumberbatch, for ruining my expectations of men.

5- Mum, for your moodswings and violent outbursts.

6- Dad, for trying to drag me out of my room by my hair an hour ago. Never. Drag. Me. Out. By. My. Mother. Fudging. Hair.

7- Kaya, for not taking over and scratching my father’s eyes out an hour ago. Also, where the hell have you been for the last six months? Thanks to you, I’m suicidal, depressed, anxious, oh, did I mention Flash dumped me because of the hallucinations you gave me? Fuck you Kaya.

8- Queen Paris-ite. I do have friends. They are awesome, funny, and have more brain cells than you. And for your sake, we won’t start on my hair.

9- Slenderman, for causing me to laugh during Mass, you seedy bastard. And for those who want to know why, think about how this could be interpreted: Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come agaaaaaaain. Don’t you have anything better to do than make me go red in the face from laughing? Also, apologies to those seedy nonexistent people who read that and understood the other meaning, and if you never take Mass seriously again, it’s my fault.

10- Papa Willis’ ex girlfriend. Not only did you hurt him, but you hurt me and Batman. Noone is perfect, especially not us. That definitely does not mean we are horrible people.

11- Doctor Who. I’m going to be borderline inconsolable at Christmas. I LOVE YOU MATT SMITH!

12- Sherlock. And you know why.

13- Steven Moffat. DISHONOUR ON YOU, DISHONOUR ON YOUR COW.

14- BBC in general. 

15- James Bond, for not going gay. 

16- Disney.

17- Happy singing people.

18- Cheerfulness.

19- 500 Miles, by The Proclaimers. AND YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY.

20- Mathematics.

21- Depression.

22- Anxiety.

23- Cutting. You do not help. In the slightest. I know that now.

24- Sickness. Seriously, my brain’s already out of whack, this is not an invitation to have fun too, immune system. 

25- Game of Thrones. I knew about the Red Wedding, BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT OKAY. 

Argh…There’s so many more things I want to say fuck you to…tell you what, I’ll continue this again when Internet has returned.

Cat Madigan

The Worst Thing About Being Sick List

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Yup…Mad Cat’s gotten sick again. Seriously, what is up with this immune system? Just because my brain doesn’t work doesn’t mean it can have a holiday too…

Anyway, Cat’s going to make yet another list.

Presenting, the Stuff That Happens When Cat Madigan Gets Bored/Sick List.

Tadaaaaaaa.

1- Cat is left at home all day, by herself, which often leaves her feeling depressed/friendless.

2- Being depressed/friendless is usually what makes Daniel pop up. Which is wonderful.

3- Cat is unable to eat, because she can’t keep anything down. And hunger leads to bad moods, and bad moods often leads to grumpy Cats.

4- Her family, the biological one, when she’s sick, take delight in having dessert when she’s unable to eat anything. And they very very rarely have dessert, and when they do have dessert, its almost like it’s a public holiday, like Christmas or Easter.

This is an example of how this is played out…

Happy Icecream Day! What’s that Cat? You’re dying? Awww, looks like you can’t have icecre-

HEY! Cat, you’re not meant to have that, you’re sick remember? There. Now you’ve chucked it up, now isn’t that-

RRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOW! SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

OWWWWW! That’s my #*%$*@!@&$* hand!

5- Cat Madigan has a nasty habit of getting bored…

6- When Cat Madigan gets bored, she writes $h!tty posts like this, which is never good.

7- Cat doesn’t have internet on her iPad at home, so she suffers from Doctor Who withdrawal as well as whatever the hell she gets sick with now.

8- Criminal Minds Withdrawal.

9- Game of Thrones Withdrawal.

10- Black Butler Withdrawal.

11- Benedict Cumberbatch Withdrawal, resulting in lots of stalkerish artwork.

12- Cat starts killing off characters in the story she’s currently working on. This wouldn’t be too bad if she didn’t happen to be making detailed plots reminiscent of Saw.

13- She starts playing Horror Games. Seriously, isn’t there enough wrong with her head?!

14- Cat Madigan plays dress up.

15- Cat cosplays as Grell Sutcliff.

15- Cat Madigan ends up dressing up in something that looks almost like lingerie.

17- Cat starts dancing.

18- Cat’s mother walks in on her dancing. Cat’s mother is more disturbed by that fact that her daughter dances than the fact that she was wearing an almost see through black nightgown.

21- Daniel turns up and Cat has to immediately put something over said black nightgown, much to his disappointment.

22- Cat and Daniel have a catfight.

24- Daniel, for some reason, tries on Cat’s ballgown.

23- Cat explains to Daniel why he can’t be a character in her story; because he would end up annoying everyone till they all committed suicide.

24- Cat starts to draw Daniel.

25- She intentionally makes him look like a girl, and Daniel ends up making her tear up the drawing.

26- Cat starts going on Tumblr…fortunately, she puts an end to it when Daniel begins to run around screaming out “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!”

29- Cat Madigan intentionally skips some points in this post. How many can you find?

30- Cat Madigan giggles at the thought of the reader going through her post to find her missing points, only to remember that no one actually reads her $h!t.

31- Cat falls asleep.

32- Daniel wakes her up, pretending she’s set fire to her room again.

33- Daniel gets a black eye.

34- Cat and Daniel watch Pewdiepie play Heavy Rain.

35- Cat skips the topless scene, much to the disappointment of you-know-who.

36- Cat notes that if her brother was taken, her parents probably wouldn’t give a shit.

37- Cat eats toast, and of course, vomits it up.

38- Cat is now going to stop typing so Daniel can drag her to bed before she vomits on the keyboard.

39- Did you also know that Cat typed 15 and 24 twice?

Night night. <3

Mad Cat