Cat Madigan’s Journey Around Planet Earth

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So this was written nearly a week ago. Wow. Anyway, I can now post this after purchasing an hour’s Internet for €16.95. Yeah…it’s expensive.

We’re on the cruise ship right now, heading for Dubrovnik. We’ve been to Greece and Turkey already, and it’s been pretty great, except for a couple of stuffs. Mainly to do with mean humans and my messed up emotions. But hey, what can you do?

So here’s my recount of the first part of this trip. Which I haven’t been stuffed editing because I’m on a cruise ship and I have mock-tails to drink.

Also, my hair is orange. And straight. Just letting ya know.
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If you’re reading this, it means that a rare wifi hotspot has been discovered in this godforsaken airport. It also means that about thirty teenage girls are furiously tweeting, facebooking and snap chatting as we speak.

By the way, I do not understand Snap Chat, nor do I wish to. The majority of girls on this trip are using it, and I do not see its appeal. And I can only begin to imagine how many photos of body parts would be sent to me. If I wanted to see a pair of boobs, I’d take my top off and look in the mirror. As for genitalia…seriously. In no way is that area of the human anatomy attractive. Stop taking photos of it, stupid humans! ARGGGHHHHH.

Okay, rant over. Forgive me, I had to awake at four in the morning and I’ve had only a cappuccino. Also, coffee. Gross. I don’t care if it’s an acquired taste, the fact is that you have to drink it again and again to acquire that taste.

Moooooving on.

We’re about to leave Rome today, to go to Venice, where I shall get onto a boat with my group and sail around the world. Or at least just Greece, Turkey and Croatia. But that’s still pretty cool. I just wish I had my friends with me, instead of these uncultured swine who apparently have never heard of clothes.

Okaaaay, not all of them are so bad. There’s a few nice girls, but on the other hand, there’s a lot of bitchy girls.

So let me tell you what has happened thus far.

Malta

One of the coolest places I’ve ever seen. Modern, but it still stays true to their traditions and religion. More English than I would’ve expected them to be, though they still speak Italian and Maltese. It was still very hot though, and I quickly acquired a dreaded tan line where I wore my watch.

The churches were beautiful, though no one but the teachers and I really cared. Shopping was where the real fun began; the girls split off into different groups and I, at least for the first couple of days, was left with my father. Daniel didn’t show up until nearly three days in, busy with some secret that he somehow managed to keep from me. I eventually found a circle that I hung around with, which I will now describe.

Payne

I knew beforehand that I would have too endure Payne’s presence on this tour, but I had no idea of how much worse she was outside school. She quickly proved herself to be a snob as well as stuck up, and it was thanks to her that I ended up having a breakdown Day Three of Malta.

During a shopping expedition near our hotel, I was getting ready to leave after changing out of an outfit. When I was about to leave, Payne said “Cat, you weren’t wearing that top when we got in here!”

I was immediately confused. I was certain that this was my top…but then I couldn’t be entirely sure, could I? I could never be sure that what I saw in Reality was true. I knew though that I wouldn’t do something like that on purpose, but explaining that to someone like Payne would be hell.

Payne wouldn’t stop. If she did, I would have been fine, but she kept going on about how that wasn’t my shirt, even though I kept insisting that I was wearing it when we entered the store.

So I melted.

When the other girls, who had gone out of the store to wait for us, came back in, they saw me shaking with tears streaming down my face, and they quickly confirmed that I had been wearing that shirt when I entered the store. After that, I quickly calmed down, my sense of Reality, at least for that moment, secure.

It also reinforced the fact that Payne was a fucking bitch. Still is.

Rome

A lot cooler than Malta, much to my relief. Quickly discovered that despite everything, I am the most gullible person in the world, after giving spare change to a gypsy child and her mother when we went to St Peter’s Basilica. Another reason why I don’t like my group. They don’t hesitate to make fun of you, even if they don’t know you well enough to do so. I spent the rest of the trip to the basilica talking to Daniel, who tried to make me feel better by getting me to talk about the stories of Michelangelo.

My favourite one involves the painting of the apocalypse; there was a critic of Michelangelo who hated him, so in the bottom of the painting, with the demons and damned people, Michelangelo ended up painting that critic, with a snake biting off a certain part of his anatomy. I enjoyed that one, so I cheered up fairly quickly, no thanks to my group.

Raspberry and Chocolate Gelato

The most beautiful thing in existence. Roma ice cream is the most delicious ice cream I have ever tasted, and even now I’m going through withdrawal symptoms.

Of course, it’s probably got an infinite amount of sugar, but the number of fucks I give is equivalent to the amount of money I have left after buying it. Aka, zilch.

Well, that’s not true. I’ve spent all my money I planned to spend in Rome. I still have money for Greece, Turkey and Croatia, which should be fun.

So those are my adventures. How have you nonexistent readers been?

The Worst Thing About Being Sick List

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Yup…Mad Cat’s gotten sick again. Seriously, what is up with this immune system? Just because my brain doesn’t work doesn’t mean it can have a holiday too…

Anyway, Cat’s going to make yet another list.

Presenting, the Stuff That Happens When Cat Madigan Gets Bored/Sick List.

Tadaaaaaaa.

1- Cat is left at home all day, by herself, which often leaves her feeling depressed/friendless.

2- Being depressed/friendless is usually what makes Daniel pop up. Which is wonderful.

3- Cat is unable to eat, because she can’t keep anything down. And hunger leads to bad moods, and bad moods often leads to grumpy Cats.

4- Her family, the biological one, when she’s sick, take delight in having dessert when she’s unable to eat anything. And they very very rarely have dessert, and when they do have dessert, its almost like it’s a public holiday, like Christmas or Easter.

This is an example of how this is played out…

Happy Icecream Day! What’s that Cat? You’re dying? Awww, looks like you can’t have icecre-

HEY! Cat, you’re not meant to have that, you’re sick remember? There. Now you’ve chucked it up, now isn’t that-

RRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOW! SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

OWWWWW! That’s my #*%$*@!@&$* hand!

5- Cat Madigan has a nasty habit of getting bored…

6- When Cat Madigan gets bored, she writes $h!tty posts like this, which is never good.

7- Cat doesn’t have internet on her iPad at home, so she suffers from Doctor Who withdrawal as well as whatever the hell she gets sick with now.

8- Criminal Minds Withdrawal.

9- Game of Thrones Withdrawal.

10- Black Butler Withdrawal.

11- Benedict Cumberbatch Withdrawal, resulting in lots of stalkerish artwork.

12- Cat starts killing off characters in the story she’s currently working on. This wouldn’t be too bad if she didn’t happen to be making detailed plots reminiscent of Saw.

13- She starts playing Horror Games. Seriously, isn’t there enough wrong with her head?!

14- Cat Madigan plays dress up.

15- Cat cosplays as Grell Sutcliff.

15- Cat Madigan ends up dressing up in something that looks almost like lingerie.

17- Cat starts dancing.

18- Cat’s mother walks in on her dancing. Cat’s mother is more disturbed by that fact that her daughter dances than the fact that she was wearing an almost see through black nightgown.

21- Daniel turns up and Cat has to immediately put something over said black nightgown, much to his disappointment.

22- Cat and Daniel have a catfight.

24- Daniel, for some reason, tries on Cat’s ballgown.

23- Cat explains to Daniel why he can’t be a character in her story; because he would end up annoying everyone till they all committed suicide.

24- Cat starts to draw Daniel.

25- She intentionally makes him look like a girl, and Daniel ends up making her tear up the drawing.

26- Cat starts going on Tumblr…fortunately, she puts an end to it when Daniel begins to run around screaming out “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!”

29- Cat Madigan intentionally skips some points in this post. How many can you find?

30- Cat Madigan giggles at the thought of the reader going through her post to find her missing points, only to remember that no one actually reads her $h!t.

31- Cat falls asleep.

32- Daniel wakes her up, pretending she’s set fire to her room again.

33- Daniel gets a black eye.

34- Cat and Daniel watch Pewdiepie play Heavy Rain.

35- Cat skips the topless scene, much to the disappointment of you-know-who.

36- Cat notes that if her brother was taken, her parents probably wouldn’t give a shit.

37- Cat eats toast, and of course, vomits it up.

38- Cat is now going to stop typing so Daniel can drag her to bed before she vomits on the keyboard.

39- Did you also know that Cat typed 15 and 24 twice?

Night night. <3

Mad Cat