The Why-I-Hate-WordPress List

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Okay. These are the reasons I haven’t posted.

1- Writing about Delirium and Daniel is hard because emotions.

2- Writing about Delirium and Daniel is hard because memories are scrambled and I can’t find the specific dates for anything and there’s a whole block missing from ages thirteen to fourteen that I’m trying to find but can’t.

3- Whenever I write something up, it doesn’t save.

4- Whenever I write something up and it does save and I get around to posting, it decides “Hey, you know what? Fuck those extra thousand words you’ve written, I only like that single paragraph you wrote. So let’s keep that.”

5- Modelling. Which has been going well recently.

6- School. Which I really don’t feel like talking about.

7- Resume crap. Which I have nothing to show.

8- Procrastination via creepy video games. Lots of fun. Not good for sanity or schoolwork though. Or updating my blog for that matter.

9- Self destruction, through a lethal cocktail of isolation, rough unsatisfying sex and long periods of moping where I question the nature of my existence.

Aaaaaand, that’s it.

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The F@ck You List…Part TWO

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Energy Status: Depleted. Utterly depleted.

Which makes no sense, considering how pretty much all I’ve done today is watch Pewdiepie and The Fine Brothers.

Maybe I should do something mentally stimulating…

Okay…time to get up. Yaaaaaaaaawn.

What should I talk about today? Something that won’t make me come across as a bitchy teenager who hates everything in the twenty first century.

That certainly narrows the field down.

Stuff it. Let’s whine about 2013 again!

Or…I could just finish the F@ck you list.

I believe I had gotten up to 25 last time, I’m going to try to get 50 things this time.

So, f@ck you:

26- Facebook. Thanks to you, the only way I can talk to people is by depending on Internet and faceless communication.

27- Candy Crush. I don’t care for you, and your brainwashed zombie minions who continue to invite me to play you can’t change that. Also, how many times have I received a notification and gotten excited, only to find a plea from my zombified former acquaintances to play your fudging game! Not cool.

28- God. Are you drunk or something? Why the hell do I have to be your entertainment?

29- Grandma. Yes, I know…you were raised in a different time, but why is it disrespectful when I choose to sleep instead of interacting with you? And why is it not disrespectful that you constantly criticise me in every way possible. And for the record, I love dessert. And I don’t give a damn about pimples.

30- Bullying. What is so funny about picking on people? Also, why is it tolerated? Look at freaking Amanda Todd. I don’t even like her; I find it stupid that she gets called “Beautiful and Inspirational”, when there’s millions of other kids who have done the same thing, and the only difference is that they hadn’t gone on YouTube. But her death wouldn’t have happened if people had left her alone, just like all those other kids who’s names won’t be remembered because they didn’t make a video.

31- Religious Extremists. Please, can you try to back up your beliefs with proof? If you’re going to try and convince other people that what you believe in is true, the least you can do is give them reasons other than “the bible said so”.

32- Atheist Extremists. Stop pissing off Religious Extremists. They’ll blow up the world if they think it’s right. It’s one thing to disagree with them, if you’re an atheist, you go ahead and be an atheist. But don’t go out of the way to tell them that their God is stupid, worthless or anything along those lines.

33- Steve Jobs, for making us dependant on Apple devices.

34- Tigger. You are not amusing, even in the slightest. And if my friends heard what you said about them, they’d beat you to a f@cking pulp. Also, you are not helpful in the slightest. It is not considered helpful to enable our mother’s depressive and semi psychotic rages.

35- My mother again. Stop talking behind my back. Seriously, you wonder why I don’t talk to my family members. Also, I just heard that derogatory remark about my seizures. Fuck you. That’s how pissed I am, I didn’t censor it.

36- Writers Block. Seriously, how am I meant to write when my brain refuses to get into that setting?

37- That part of my brain which makes me want to write at the worst times. Such as during mass.

38- Fanfiction. For making me question my sexual tastes. And for the record, yes, I’m still straight. Grandma.

39- That Bitchface who knocks my hand when I’m drawing. Hope you’re enjoying yourself, now you don’t have a head.

40- Dizzy Spells.

41- Inconvenient phone calls.

42- The Australian Government, for somehow failing to legalise gay marriage. How did they mess that up. Even America is getting there. America. Let that sink in Tony Abbott.

43- People who raise their children to blatantly hate people because of race, sexuality, religion, etc. Bigotism is not cool. I don’t think it’s even a word.

44- Modelling. Yes, I’d like to be skinny, but I’d also like to eat icecream.

45- People who shoot children at schools.

46- People who provoke people who end up shooting children at schools. How many times do I need to repeat this? Bullying is not okay!

47- Gangs. Look at me! I have an entourage, I’m powerful! Let’s bash up the elderly! Ha ha ha! Stuff you guys.

48- Society. You have sex? You’re a slut. You don’t have sex? You’re frigid. You cut? Stop seeking attention. You want to end it? Seriously, how much more attention do you need? Then after someone commits suicide, “Oh my god, what a beautiful person, god bless, society sucks”. The ultimate hypocrite. I could go on.

49- Tumblr. Whyyyy do you spoil my favourite tv shows? :'(

50- British Television, for only coming out in Britain. Because in the time between its release in Britain to its release in Australia, there’s an infinite amount of spoilers. It’s not just Tumblr, Facebook’s just as evil.

51- Shows glorifying teen pregnancy. Whiny, selfish girls are not good mothers. Just because you babysit does not mean mean you’ll be a good mother.

52- iPad’s inability to pirate. F@ck you Apple.

53- Books. Or at least the ones in the library at school. It’s the same story nowadays. An ordinary girl meets someone from the supernatural, who tells her she’s not ordinary. They eventually fall in love, and on the way, they battle evil supernatural beings who wish to take over the human race. Second scenario: a hero lives in a dystopian society, and they inadvertently become the symbol for the rebellion by doing…pretty much nothing apart from being plain ol’ them.

54- Authors who make Mary Sues in stories. And in case you don’t know what a Mary Sue is, it’s a character which is essentially a perfect person, and more often than not based on what the author wants to be like. Basically, the author places himself/herself in the story, not necessarily as the main character, but as someone who becomes more prominent/important than the main character, if they themselves aren’t the main character. This character has the best frigging luck in the history of the world, and has no flaws whatsoever. Also, this character won’t die, because they are the author’s special pet. And if they do die, their death is majestic and so beautiful it effects the story entirely. Oh, and before I forget, they usually have a traumatic backstory, causing them to be extremely secretive/mysterious, making them an object of obsession for the main protagonist. Stories are not there so authors can make fantasies involving themselves. Yes, I’m looking at you, Twilight. The worst case of this is Fifty Shades of Grey. Worst case of Mary Sue in history.

55- ‘Authors’ who refuse to kill off their characters because they love them too much. If you truly care for your creation, you need to make the story stay in their minds. And how you do this is you create characters they love and stay with them, which means when you kill them off, they are genuinely shattered. Yes, you have to be a monster. No, I don’t care that you love your favourite character, who is secretly a representation of what you’d want to look like. George RR Martin lives by this, he knows that people read his books because everyone talks about them.

56- Stores, as we’re moving away from the writing before I start a giant rant. I love my trench coat, you do not diss the trench coat!

57- Disney princesses, for creating unrealistic expectations of life in my four year old mind.

58- My friends, for informing me about the dirty side of Disney. Want some examples? Next list.

59- The nostalgia I get for school during summer holidays. Then when I get back, I realise that I don’t miss school anymore, and I want to go back to the world of laziness.

60- Twilight, for brainwashing half a generation of girls into falling in love with mercurial, beautiful men, often before the age of 13. Also for making every other teen fiction book sink to your level. Ughhhh.

61- Emilia Clarke, who inhabits the sexual fantasies of every nerdy male in the universe. And the occasional nerdy female.

62- Shipping. You have ruined books, television, movies, video games and story driven material for me. Not to mention YouTube.

63- People who ship themselves with band members/celebrities. C’mon guys, they don’t know you exist, it’s okay to have the occasional fantasy, but when you think about it, what’s the chance that they’re going to measure up to your expectations in person?

64- Fanfiction involving band members/celebrities and a fan/Mary Sue. *vomits*

65- Smut involving band members/celebrities and a fan/Mary Sue. More specifically, One Direction smut. This idea becomes even worse when you consider the fact that the majority of One Direction’s fan base are 12 year old girls.

66- One Direction, for corrupting the minds of today’s youth, and giving teenager girls unrealistic ideas of boys. Then again, I’m kind of terrified of them. They have an ARMY of impressionable 12 year old girls around the globe. How frigging scary is that?

67- Justin Bieber. For being a huge frigging Dickwad. I remember I got so much hate years ago for hating Justin, because he was a 16 year old kid who was a popular singer and was considered a beautiful person. But now, when you look at the stuff he’s done, peeing in mop buckets, speeding, and spitting on fans…seriously? Why is he still loved again?

68- Manga. Everyone is beautiful in anime. It’s not fair.

69 (Teehee)- Anime, because live adaptations don’t even begin to measure up to the animated series.

70- justgirlythings. They really must be running out of stuff to make if they’re posting stuff saying “Wearing a belt <3".

71- Youtubers, simply for being perfect.

72- The Boob Fairy, for skipping over me instead of Lady Delamore, who is already massive. (Love you DD ^_^).

73- My maths teacher, who paid no attention to whether or not I learnt anything in 2013.

74- People who get famous for stupid things. Just…no.

And for 75…

75- MILEY CYRUS. You have lowered the standards of young women. Just because other people are doing the same edgy stuff does not mean it's a good idea to f@ck up this generation further! Eagerly awaiting your nervous breakdown, by the way.

And that's it. This one was a b!tch.

Love Cat Madigan. Xox

Something Different

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Last night, I started to make a list.

Yes, it is sort of mean.

At the very least it is certainly not politically correct.

I name this list…Names of Stereotypical Bimbos.

These names, when you hear them, can often be associated with women wearing pink lipstick and very small tops, which barely cover enormous…enhancements. Enhancements which compensate for what is in these women’s heads.

Alright, now shut up! Yes, this is definitely not a nice thing to write, but I’m not really a nice person, now am I? And think of all the bimbos you see on TV. Or even people you may know in real life.

Fine…mainly TV.

The point is, there’s so many names which, like it or not, we automatically link with these people on television, who are often the unsuspecting prey to the serial womaniser. Yes, I’m looking at you Barney Stinson.

Now as a beforehand, yes, you non-existent readers may have these names. And you may be geniuses with IQ’s double my own. Like I said, this list is far from being politically correct. So please, if you don’t like this sort of thing, DO NOT READ IT. It’s only for a bit of a laugh, for horrible people like me. And if you do decide to read this, despite being against stereotypes, it is not my fault if you are offended by this list.

Do we understand, imaginary readers, who are nice and lovely and pure?

…Or at least readers who are offended by stereotypes of pretty bimbos?

Alright, now stop reading.

For the rest of you…

Now, here’s an example of how mean I can be.

Behold…The Names of Stereotypical Bimbos List.

Or by it’s alternate title, What Not To Call Your Daughter. And no, I cannot be more creative than that.

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Candy. Or Kandy. Or worse, Kandi. Or even worse, the dreaded double i…. Kandii. *shudder*

Crystal. Or Krystal. Seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to put in a K instead of a C in Crystal? It makes it even more tacky.

Amber. Personally, I don’t know what’s wrong with Amber, but my mother apparently skipped the name when naming me, because it sounded like a stripper’s name.

Barbie. I always hated Barbie as a kid. She always seemed too goody goody to be an actual human being. So whenever I hear the name on another person, I end up associating them with the stupid doll. I’m a horrible person…but seriously, why would you name your daughter after the iconic doll? You’re putting them through years of PAIN!!

Bambi. Or Bambii, (ewwwwwwww). The name belongs to an adorable little deer, who is incredibly innocent. Of course, this name is suitable when your baby is an adorable little girl, with big innocent eyes. But it’s pretty tacky on a grown woman.

Skipper. Wasn’t that Barbie’s little sister or something? Whatever. I always felt that Skipper sounded like the daughter that lived in her sisters shadow, and would probably go into the sex, drugs and alcohol scene as she strove to make her own image. Nuff said.

Monique.

Or anything that ends with the sound “eek”.

Kelly. Or Kelli. Double i doesn’t look like it would work here, so I’ll just stick with Kelli. But for some reason, I cannot take the name Kelly/Kelli seriously. It sounds like the name of a little girl, not really one for a grown woman.

Honey. Yes, How I Met Your Mother may have influenced this a bit, but when you think about it, yeah, it does sort of fit.

Tiffany. Or, its evil twins, Tiffani and Tiffanii.

Brittany, Brittani and Brittanii.

Cindy, Cindi and Cindii. Again, names which belong to a little girl, and not a grown woman.

Hayley or Haylee.

Paris. And for the record, this name would’ve never been on the list if it hadn’t been for the infamous Hilton. A name that once suggested culture and sophistication now implies sex tape and spoilt rich girlness.

Lexi. Rhymes with sexy. And that’s the first thing that comes to mind when one hears that name. Doesn’t matter if you’re a physicist or an engineer; Lexi will always be associated with sexy.

Diamond. Or worse, Diamond spelt incorrectly. Aka. Diammond, Dyamond, etc.

Sky or Skye.

Nicky, Nicki, Nikki (ulgh….)

Karma.

Dolly.

Chloe, or worse, Khloe.

Parmie.

Stacey, or Stacee.

Baby. Although, I cannot imagine anyone naming their child Baby. Nickname, maybe. Actual name, no. Unless they happened to be on crack when writing down the name of the birth certificate.

Casey, or Kasey.

Kelsy, Kelsie, Kelsi.

Sally, Sallie or Salli.

Sandy. Though fortunately, it can be lengthened to Sandra, so they don’t have to face the embarrassment in the workplace.

Charity. Slutty girl who’s only thoughts involve makeup and hair, and her name is Charity. Walking contradiction!

Hope. Ditto.

Faith. Again, ditto.

Just about any adjective which is used as a name!
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So that concludes my Bimbo Name List.

Yes, I know. I am a horrible person. My mother tells me this daily, so don’t bother reminding me. I warned you, non existent reader.

One thing I’ve noticed about these names is that the majority of them are incredibly cutesy. They’re more often nicknames for a little girl, rather than actual names. Parents might give these names to their little baby girls, and because they are babies and they’re adorable, it’s acceptable.

But the thing is, these babies get older. And they grow into independent women, who will come to despise the name Bambi or Sally or whatever name you gave them when they start working in industries where little girl names are unquestionably laughable. It may even start earlier. Or they’ll choose to stay a little girl. Mentally anyway. I mean, the alternative is to get picked on in the workplace, so why go into one then? Why not just remain a pretty little girl?

So. Two options then; the eternal hate of your daughter, or at the very least, the fact that your daughter will never hit her full potential.

Oh, and lets not forget about the dreaded ‘double i’s’. Or even just names with an i instead of a y at the end. And let’s not forget names that are horribly misspelt. That’s right Krystal/Kristal. And you two aren’t the only culprits. It’s like people seem to think that changing the letters of a word makes it a creative name. Kristal is not a creative name.

…I sound like that notepad on Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared.

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Then again, I am being incredibly bigoted at the moment. Everything I have mentioned thus far are stereotypes. It’s not just girls called Candy who become bimbos, and at the same time, people who are called Candy can achieve great things. Though to be fair, these stereotypes have to come from somewhere…

Oh dear…

So for those non existent readers who don’t hate my guts at the moment, here’s Question of the Day.

Actual, two Questions of the Day.

For those kind souls out there, here’s this one: What names do you hate? I think all of you non existent readers have met at least one person who’s name you can’t stand. Or maybe you hate a name because of a certain person. Tell me about it!

For those people who are horrible, like me, here’s your Question of the Day. Actually, it’s more of a challenge. Add more names to my Bimbo list! If I can do it, you can do it. C’mon guys, let’s get creative!!!

Wait, nononononononono….

Anyway, being horrible is tiring, so I shall go now.

Also, Part Three of Cat Runs Away is coming out tomorrow, so stay tuned, for the adventures of a horrible person.

Mad Cat.