The Stuff That Has Gone Down In Reality

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Yes! I haven’t posted for ages. In my own defence, I’ve had very little time for writing, and I’ve got very good reasons why. It’s been nearly two weeks since I posted, and so much has happened, both in Reality and Delirium.

So let’s go! Starting with Reality. Because I’ve written a lotta stuff about Delirium, stuff which is not going to go to waste. And no Bad Dog, there’s no smut, so don’t even go there.

Okay…Reality.

Exams

Erghhhhh, I’m dying here. So far I’ve finished my Literature exam and my Religion exam. Literature was okay, however, I found myself doing the same thing I do for every essay, which is repeat the same thing over and over again to make sure my point gets across. Either way, I think I did okay. Hopefully it’s at least a C. And Religion was better than expected, though I really don’t know how well I did. I could’ve done awesomely (which would only happen if the one marking my exam was a bit tipsy) or I could’ve done absolutely shitty. But I answered all the questions. Just not sure if I answered them the right way.

Tomorrow is Human Bio and Maths. On the same day. And I regret not going to school today and studying. You see, when you don’t have an exam, you don’t have to turn up at school. Which is great. But I really need to study for Human Bio and Maths, because I’ve missed a lot of lessons due to Delirium. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve missed plenty of other subjects too. But unlike Lit and Religion, I can’t just conjure something out of my incredibly vivid imagination, I need to learn facts. And looking back now, had I been given a choice, I definitely would’ve gone to school to study.

Unless mum was there too. Fortunately that’s not allowed, otherwise mum would always turn up at school, screaming at me to clean my fucking room.

Mum has been refusing to let me study. Well, she goes through a process about it. Step 1, she asks “Can you clean your room if you have time?” Step 2, she comes in and yells at me because my room’s not clean. This happens usually ten minutes after Step 1. When I object to this, she can take two paths. Step 3A is to refuse to believe that I’m studying, because obviously, I’m on my iPad! Which happens to have my fucking textbooks on it. Or she can choose the other option, Step 3B, which is essentially a guilt trip. You can kind of visualise it, you know those arguments your parents give you that begin with “When I was your age”? It’s like that, only far less effective because it’s far from logical. Mum says something along the lines of “When I was your age, it didn’t matter if I finished exams or not.” Or something like that. Having another world in your head is extremely tempting at times like that…

Modelling

Had another photoshoot on Sunday. Theme was Apocalypse, but for once, I had had enough of zombies (gasp!). Instead, I was going as the Grim Reaper. Which was fricking awesome.

What was even more fricking awesome was the death scythe one of the Props guys made me. It wasn’t real, but it looked it. Best $55 I had ever spent. EVER. When I was carrying it around, I scared a few photographers and models. On the side, Daniel told me ‘Your Cat Madigan is showing’, which made me remember that I was still in Reality. It also reminded me that I shouldn’t stick my tongue out at what would look like an empty space to ordinary humans.

Highlight of the shoot was when I got together with one of the zombies and took him for a walk in the city. After locating a leash, the Grim Reaper went skipping down the alleyway with her pet zombie in tow, where they proceeded to traumatise many a childling. ‘Twas a wonderful day. Not so much for the little kids, but yeah.
The photos are looking pretty cool so far, I’m still waiting for the rest to be posted. There’s another photoshoot next Sunday, theme is Autumn. Still awaiting other photos from a test shoot I did and a glamour one. Why do photographers take so long….

Oh, and also, I did a fashion show where I got my hair coloured. The colour’s not that different, but it shows in the sunlight. It’s just a colour rinse. And I got to wear a wedding dress, though to be honest, I wouldn’t wear it to my own wedding, though I’d definitely want to wear it around the house. Liquid silk feels really nice… But anyway, it was 1920s themed, and though it was very pretty, it reminded me that I had no boobs and no waist when I looked at it in the mirror. Sure, I looked skinnier, but it gave me more of a boyish look.

Not that I’d ever get married anyway.

No, Daniel.

“What? You wish to live in sin for the rest of your life?”

“Pfffft. Sin, schmin. Besides, I promised Delamore not till 23.”

“I thought that was for virginity.”

“Hmm…you’re right. I should ask her about that. Actually, nah. She’d want to come to the wedding.”

“Let’s just agree that our relationship is fine the way it is and move on. Preferably before you start going on about wedding dresses.”

“I don’t go on about them, I just draw them.”

Moving. On.

“Fine.”

X

My second cousin Xenia came to stay for two weeks three weeks ago. I’d met her once at Christmas last year, but that was the only time if had met her before she stayed with us. She’s 19, three years older than my Reality self, but barely months older than my real age. There was enough resemblance between us that we could tell that we shared some genetic material, but that only extended to our hair and our tiny hands.

Mum said she was prettier than me, and she was probably right. She had nice brown eyes and light brown skin with no freckles or scars on it. Personally, I think mum liked Xenia because she wasn’t a kleptomaniac or a schizophrenic, not to mention she was an obedient daughter to her own parents, as an only child. Xenia grew close to mum when she first came, as Tig and I were always at school.

I never knew much of what she thought of me. I knew what she thought of my brother; Tig was always mouthing off about Mum, and she yelled at him, saying that she wanted to slap him. She and I barely interacted though, outside our family outings. The most we talked was when we went to an art exhibit in Rockingham on the beach, and I started using my artist/Literature skills to deduce the meanings behind the various sculptures before us.

“What does Indulgence mean?” she asked, when we approached several giant cupcake sculptures.

“I think…” I tried to put it as simply as I could. “It means to…take pleasure in something. Like…eating cupcakes. You take pleasure in eating- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!”

I had thought that the long things sticking out of the cupcakes were meant to be wafers, but upon closer inspection, the end of the ‘wafer’ was shaped like a foot, which meant… “Legs,” I gasped. Xenia watched me incredulously as I started laughing. “There’s legs in the cupcake!” I crowed. “Oh my god…”

“You are strange,” Xenia said.

“Thankyou,” I returned. “Do you want to hear what this means?”

She looked back at the statue and stared at in quiet unease. “I don’t really want to…” she announced. “I liked it better when it was just ordinary cupcakes.”

We got along okay, but we never really bonded much, not like she and Mum seemed to anyway. She liked my drawings, well, the ones which weren’t of psycho zombie dragons, and she came to my modelling events with mum, but we never had much of a private conversation about things. She was pretty solitary when it came to our family, and I was up in the clouds most of the time. I also found her a bit too much like my mother to trust her much, even though she was from my father’s side of the family.

There was one time though, at the bus stop in the city. She came with me, as she was going on a tour to see the pinnacles, and she had to catch the ferry in the city. We didn’t speak on the bus, but when I got off, I felt horrible suddenly and stumbled off, grabbing onto the fence to keep steady. Daniel was there in a heartbeat, and helped me calm down from my panic attack. I was nearly in tears, but I finally stopped shaking.

“Cat?” Xenia said, and that’s when I realised she was right there, watching me. I looked up. “Are you alright?” she enquired.

“I’m fine,” I said.

She frowned, but didn’t say anything for a while. I was walking her to the ferry when she asked again. “Was that your…” She searched for a word. “Episode?”

“…yeah, little bit.”

“What…is it is?”

After hesitating, I decided to tell her. It was a word that she would most likely forget later on anyway. “Schizophrenia,” I told her. “Or some form of it.”

“Oh. How bad?”

I took that as a sign that she didn’t know what it was. Good. “Pretty bad,” I told her. “I…I don’t have long.”

Xenia frowned. “I thought…it was because of your mother.” I was puzzled. “She hit you across the face last night,” she went on. When my eyes widened, she smiled. “Your cheek is a little red,” she said.

“Right.”

“Are you alright?”

I gave a bright smile. “No.”

I left her at the ferry. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell her about it. It’s just that I didn’t think she’d understand. She seemed so positive about things, always talking about how thankful for life we should be, and she was so close to Mum that I didn’t think she’d believe half the things I had to say. Or maybe she would believe them, and take them straight to Mum, the last person I wanted to know.

We got along. That’s all I can say.

So that’s it from Reality. I’m trying to catch up on the things from Delirium as best as I can. It’s gotten quiet again, so hopefully I’ll be able to catch up.

Also, Mum found her phone and apologised for belting my across the face.

Till next time.

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Cat Madigan Does Her Homework

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I can’t talk about Daniel right now, so I’m going to post something different. Here’s my creative writing task I wrote for Lit. It’s based on the story Cinderella Inc., which is about an woman who goes to Cinderella Inc. to change her looks completely, and she leaves a beautiful woman. So because I am twisted and psycho, I wrote a short story on what happened in between. If you want to read Cinderella Inc. beforehand, you can read it here.
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The room stank of antiseptic as she woke up. As her faculties gradually returned to her, she noted the various sensations in her body. Dry throat, hollow stomach, aching gums, a strange numbness in her limbs. She blinked her eyes open and stared blankly at the ceiling above her. How long had she been out?

Oh good, a husky, sensuous voice spoke. You’re awake.

She groaned, and held out her hand in front her face. It had flawless, porcelain skin, with nails polished and perfectly manicured. She felt a wave of excitement. Was the rest of her body as lovely as this?

Sitting up, she took in her surroundings. She was boxed in by pure white walls, and the only furniture appeared to be the bed she sat on. “Hello?” she called out, wincing as she heard how raspy her voice was. “Is anyone there?”

Just me, sweetheart, the voice spoke again, in that alluring tone.

“Who are you?” Her head flashed around, trying to look for any sign of life. “Where are you?”

It doesn’t matter, it replied.

“I…” She frowned in confusion. “I can hear you perfectly.”

Don’t scowl like that, darling. It’ll ruin that pretty face.

“My face…” An image flashed across her mind, of a scrawny woman with thin lips and dull, emotionless eyes. “What do I look like now? I want to see.”

Ask for your reflection.

“What?” She stopped herself from frowning, instead, shaking her head. “If you say so.”

Just say it out loud, that’s all you have to do.

She cleared her throat. “I wish to see my reflection,” she called out, grimacing at how campy that sounded, as if she were on some crappy television show. But as soon as the words came out, the wall across from her bed seemed to fade, and suddenly, a face of an angel was staring back at her.

How lovely she was. Her hair seemed to be made out of spun gold, her perfect curls falling down to the start of her slender shoulders. She turned her body to see all the new curves that she had received, yes, that was definitely what she had been looking for.

But it was her face, her now perfect face that everyone would see, that everyone would gaze upon in wonder and envy. Her full lips were as pink as her cheeks, there was no trace of the colourless, sullen woman she used to be. For the first time in a long time, she smiled, and watched her sapphire eyes light up with happiness.

Suddenly, she felt a pain in her cheeks. “Ow!” she exclaimed, rubbing her face as if that would erase the pain. It must be from the treatment. Then she remembered the voice from before. “How long before I can smile?” she asked.

It won’t hurt for too long dear, the voice said soothingly. I’d give it about ten minutes tops.

“That’s good.” Ten minutes wasn’t long. It would be over in the blink of an eye. In the meantime, she focused on the rest of her features. She couldn’t wait to return to the world as she was, a truly beautiful woman.

So darling, the breathy voice said casually. What’s your name?

“My name?” It took longer than it should’ve to remember. “Mary,” she said.

Mary, the voice cooed. Oh no, you’re going to have to come up with something much prettier than that. Mary just sounds so plain! She could imagine the owner of the voice shuddering. So think. What can we call you instead?

“Um…”

Don’t say things like that, the voice scolded her again. It’s unladylike, you know.

I don’t care, she thought, but she didn’t say it aloud. “What about Maria? I like Maria,” she offered. She was starting to feel uncomfortable, talking to a voice that she couldn’t see. “What’s your name?” she asked, hoping to gain some insight into this mysterious woman.

Maria, hmm? That’ll have to do. The voice completely ignored her question. So you’ll now be known as Maria then. Do you understand?

“Yes.” My name is Maria, she told herself. “When can I leave this place?”

Like I said, ten minutes dear. Actually no, five now. Five minutes have passed.

“That’s good.” She looked down at herself and instantly felt embarrassed. “Um, are there any clothes here that I can put on?”

Darling, what did I tell you about saying that? The voice tutted. Think about what you are going to say before you open those beautiful lips of yours.

Maria grumbled to herself. And the answer is no, unfortunately, the voice informed her. You’ll have a robe brought to you by our staff, like I said, in ten minutes.

“Couldn’t they hurry?” Maria knew how rude she sounded, but she didn’t care. “I mean, you’re there, you know that I’m awake, can’t you tell them to come bring me a robe?”

Oh, I’m not with them, my dear. The voice chuckled in her low, seductive voice. For some reason, it made Maria uneasy, but she didn’t know why.

“Then where are you?”

In your head, of course.

Instinctively, Maria raised her perfectly manicured hand to her hair. “I don’t understand,” she said, her voice raising. What’s going on?

Sweetheart, you should relax, you just went through the treatment after all. The husky, breathy voice might have been reassuring if not for the edge to it. Stress shows over time, and I don’t want anything scarring my body, thank you very much.

“Wait, what?” Maria span around, desperately hunting for a door that wasn’t there. Frantically, she started knocking on the mirror, trying to find an escape. “What are you saying? This is my body! You’re not having it!”

On the contrary. The voice was calm, almost bored, as opposed to Maria, who was madly hammering the mirror. You paid for this, and you signed the agreement. One hundred thousand dollars for an entirely new you! she cooed. How about that?
Maria remembered that phrase. “I…that just meant…”

Oh, I know what you thought. Words are silly, aren’t they? The voice let out a peal of laughter. But unfortunately, that’s not the case, my dear. You see, Cinderella Inc. doesn’t do these treatments for just anyone, you know.

“Then why me?”

You have money darling, the voice reminded her. Lots of money, might I add. Money that can be put to better use than all those rich parties you’ll be wanting to hold. And no one’s going to miss you, not once beautiful Marilyn arrives in your place.

“Marilyn?!” Maria spat.

Yes, Marilyn. It’s quite nice isn’t it? The voice was smug. You see? I think I would suit this body a lot better than you ever would.

“Don’t you dare!”

Shh, it’s only two more minutes, the voice told her soothingly. Why don’t you just close your eyes…

“No!” Maria screamed. She was thrashing the mirror with all her might now, and she saw her reflection mimicking her, with tears streaming down her perfect cheeks and sweat dripping through her golden hair. “This is my body! I paid for it!”

You should’ve stayed a Mary, the voice said disdainfully. That would’ve suited you better, an ugly body for an ugly woman. You aren’t fit to be Marilyn, or even Maria.

“Please!” She collapsed against the mirror, in a sobbing heap. “I want to live!” she pleaded.

No you don’t, the voice disagreed. Well, not as Mary anyway. Which is pretty selfish. Why should you get two bodies, while I have to go without. No no, the voice sighed. It’s alright, you won’t feel anything. Think of it this way; right now, you are the most beautiful woman in the universe…

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU BITCH!” Maria screamed, slamming her head against the mirror. Her perfect forehead went fire engine red, but she no longer cared. She threw herself at the mirror again, and again, as if that would’ve helped.

Now look what you’ve done! the voice snapped, her voice now shrill. This is completely out of line, Mary. And a shame too. I would’ve let you stay, you could’ve lived with me, in the back of my mind. There would’ve been plenty of room for you, but if you’re going to be like this…

“Shut up! SHUT. UP!”

There was silence. Then that voice, the one that was so seductive and alluring, let out another coo. Ten more seconds now, it said sweetly.

Suddenly, there was an opening in one of the walls, and the men came in, wielding syringes filled with god knows what. They won’t get me, Maria thought, as she sprinted towards the door, shoving the men aside with all the strength she could manage and making one desperate dive for freedom.

Then she froze. There was no sound in that little room, no one dared move a muscle. Then she looked up with a beaming smile. “Hello boys!” she greeted the gentlemen in her husky, sensual voice. That gleam of her sparkling white teeth detracted all attention from her scarlet forehead. “You can all call me Marilyn.”
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So that is what I’m submitting for my creative task for Literature. It had to be less than 1500 words and related to something we studied in Literature this year, so I decided to do it based off one of the short stories we studied. Please feel free to give feedback, as this goes towards my grades and I can use all the advise I can get.

I’ll talk about Daniel tomorrow hopefully, but now I’m tired.

Mad Cat