Evil Twin


I don’t see Kaya as often as some people think. She’s only in my head when A, I have a bad episode in Delirium and she comes in so people don’t hear me dying, or B, when she’s in a very bad mood.

Which is why, on Friday, I got to spend most of the day with the bitch. Because I had a very special photoshoot that day.

It doesn’t look like me, she informed me. If you’re going to impersonate me, you might at least try.

“You try talking to her,” I pleaded with Daniel. He just ignored me, and continued looking through my iPad. “Found anything yet?”

“Nothing you’d be looking for,” he replied. “Mostly brightly coloured stuff, none of them scream ‘grim reaper’ to be honest.”

“You’re in the wrong section then. Just scroll down till you reach the dark pictures.”

“There’s a lot of shit on this thing, Cat Madigan, you ever think of clearing it?”

“All the time. And every time I think, What if I need to refer to it? It’s a vicious cycle.”

Why do you even do this to yourself?

“I like modelling. It gives me self confidence, and I need self confidence.”

You have the eye of a king on you, she reminded me. What more do you want?

“He’s…” I nearly said not real, but I’m already on Kaya’s bad side. “I’m not interested,” I settled for saying.


“Kaya…” Daniel said warningly.

“I’m genuinely not interested Kaya. He’s nice, but he’s got the attention span of a cat.”

Pot. Calling. Kettle. Kaya’s voice was as dry as a bone.

“You know what I mean,” I groaned. “I don’t think I’d be able to talk with him the way I’d want to talk to someone. Not to mention, he seems like the type that would only desire someone till he had her.”

In other words, you don’t want to get hurt.

“No, that’s not the issue. The issue is that he’s not the sort of person I’d be interested in as a…what word would you guys use?”

“Lover?” Daniel suggested.

“…really? Is your whole mind entirely focused on sex?”

“Hey, you wanted a word for it.”


Both Daniel and I widened our eyes. “Kaya…” I said. “Please tell me you know what that word means.”

Of course I do.

“No offence to Cat, but I think the term concubine would refer to her rather than our beloved king,” Daniel pointed out.

I grimaced. “Not happening. I’ve had enough of that sort of thing.”

“For now.”

Before I could ask what Daniel meant, Kaya spoke up. There’s not really a word for it, she mused. Normally there’s a contract to marry, and perhaps courtship after that, if the husband wishes. More often it’s not. I could hear the distaste in her voice. And after that, there is marriage….maybe you could be his sweetheart?

“I’m not his frigging sweetheart!” I hissed.

What’s gotten into her? Her tone is as if she has never snapped at me in the whole duration of her existence.

“Leave her, Kaya,” Daniel said wearily. “Both of us aren’t good with that sort of thing right now.”

“Thanks Daniel. Anything yet?”

“I think you’d have a better chance searching YouTube for makeup ideas,” he said. “There’s nothing here.”

“It can’t be, there has to be something.” I took the iPad out of his hands.


“…well, I see why you haven’t been finding anything.” I hurled it back at his chest.


Before I could say anything more, we hear shouting. “Not again…” I groaned.

What’s going on now?

“Do I ever know what’s on with them?” I retorted. “Tig’s not like me, Kaya, he talks back. He’s under the impression that he’s intelligent and that screaming back insults makes a difference.”

What’s he done?

Suddenly, I heard a loud slamming sound, and my brother sobbing. Mum screamed at him, and I could make out the words How dare you, and Little shit. “It’s sickening…” Daniel said stiffly, trying not to show anything.

Are you alright Cat?

“I’m used to it.” I took the clothes out of my cupboard and laid them on the bed for the afternoon.

That wasn’t answering my question, she observed.

“Would you answer honestly if you were me?”

Mum charged into the room suddenly, without warning. Daniel froze, even though he’d be able to move freely and not be seen by her. “Your brother,” she announced, “has stolen most of the Easter eggs.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“And he’s not owning up to it.”

“Again. My astonishment is extremely lacking.”

“Hmm.” She frowned at me. “It wasn’t you, was it?”


“How do I know it wasn’t?”

I groaned. “I don’t know how I’m meant to prove myself innocent.” I turned to Daniel as Mum went on a tangent, and I saw his face going red, even though he was barely moving.

After what seemed an eternity, she finally left my room. Is she always like this? Kaya questioned.

“Not always.” That makes it harder though, I add mentally.


“So your brother’s stealing again,” Daniel observed.

“Seems like. You’d think he’d learn by now.”

“I don’t agree with what your parents do, but your brother is truly a little-”


“Fine.” Daniel put his arm around my shoulder. “How are you?”

“Fine.” That’s all I say.

“Kaya…” Daniel said after a while. “You’ve been quiet.”


“What do you think?”

Of what?

“Cat’s parents.”

He shouldn’t be punished that way, she said firmly. Not by being thrown against the wall. I grimaced at a similar memory. Sorry Cat.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Kaya…” Daniel’s voice had an odd note to it. “Tell her.”

“What?” I looked at Daniel and frowned. “What aren’t you telling me now?

He groaned. But when he opened his mouth to say something, Kaya spoke up. It’s fine! She doesn’t need to know.

“Kaya…what did you do?” I asked, suddenly going cold all of a sudden.


Daniel interrupted her. “Cat, you might want to check in your wardrobe.”

“…do I want to?” He gestured towards it. “Very well…” I walked over to it and slid the door open. That’s when I saw the tinfoil. “You’ve got to be kidding me…” I span around, as if I expected Kaya to be behind me. “This is what you do when you take over when I’m in Delirium? You steal chocolate?”

I was starving! she protested. You barely eat anything, how can you stand sitting there with an empty belly?

“I eat apples! Apples are good! The chocolates are off limits though!”

Well, I didn’t know that!

“Shit…” I knew my hands were shaking, but I didn’t care. “My brother just got beaten up because of that!”

Cat, I’m so sorry, if I had known that it wasn’t allowed, I never would’ve done it, I swear.

I just sighed. “Now what?”

“Discard evidence,” Daniel directed. “Put the wrappers in the bathroom, in the cupboard. No one knows who put them though, no one gets the blame.”

“Or we both get the blame and we both get walloped till one of us confesses,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, well, I don’t see any better choices. Unless you’d like to confess that your dead demon friend who possesses you took the chocolates.”

Kaya scoffed. Demons are pathetic.

“Exactly my point.”

“Oh don’t you two start,” I hissed. I took the wrappers and crumpled them up and put them in a plastic bag. As soon as they got put in the cupboard, I hurried back to my room. “There. Hopefully things will end there.”

“Well, you’d better get dressed,” Daniel said. “Kaya’s makeup will be here soon.”

Kaya hissed in my head. “Shut up Kaya,” I told her.

It resembled Kaya a lot, but not precisely. But no one except us would know that.

Kaya’s hair covered her forehead entirely; whereas the wig I had gotten from Comic-con only had little bits covering my face.

Kaya’s skin was pale grey in colour, and I remember that covering the sides of her face and her arms were a number of random scales. What made it even more frightening was the black protruding veins which were so hard to ignore. The makeup, of course, wasn’t anything like that. She was still quite pale, but the makeup was for a natural skin tone. It was almost like Kaya had been humanised, somewhat.

The contact lenses I had were close to Kaya’s eyes. But they were only contacts, so of course, they weren’t an exact match. Kaya hated her eyes. Once, when she was younger, they were a pretty silver, but after her arrest and confinement, they became a bright, glowing violet to match the poison. They could’ve been lovely, but after what Kaya went through, it was rare for her to show any emotion other than emptiness or rage, and I don’t blame her.

You’re also fatter than me, Kaya informed me.

“Yeah, well, that’s because I haven’t been starved for eight or so years,” I retorted. That shut her up.

This is similar to what I wore when I escaped with Daniel, she mused, looking at my costume. But my hair was long then.

“I can barely remember you with long hair though,” I told her. “You cut it off not long after.”

I know…

I giggled. “I remember their faces when you did that.”

She laughed at the memory. It was as if I had slaughtered their children.

“In a way, it was. Those maids must’ve spent hours brushing the mats out of your hair.”

I don’t regret my decision. There’s a hint of mischief in her tone. Daniel was the funniest though. He was trying to comfort the poor women.

“Aww….Daniel used to be a gentleman!”

He still is. He just acts perverted to irritate you.


You’re funny when you’re irritated.

“Not always.” I showed her my memory of murdering that woman.

There’s a difference between irritated and infuriated, Kaya said. You need to forgive yourself.

“Then it will become easier. I don’t want to do that again.”

Who are you? she asked me suddenly.

“I’m…not entirely sure. Who am I? What am I? Am I a different species now?”

Look. Kaya cleared her throat. Your name is Cat Madigan. It’s not the name you were born with, but you’re not the same person from when you were born, are you? She went on before I could speak. You’ve changed a lot over the years. When I met you, you were a quiet, innocent young woman. A disaster waiting to happen.

And then I met you again, with Daniel. You were scared, terrified actually. What astounded me was that you trusted me over Daniel, who is obviously the less frightening article.

“Daniel used to be an asshole though.”

He’s changed a lot too. He didn’t like you because he thought you were some weak little snivelling thing.

“And I’m not?”

“Definitely not.” I jumped at the sound of Daniel’s voice. “Hey.” He waved at me.

“Hello Daniel. Can you tell me what I am? Daniel?”

He’s taking in the sight of me. “Right…sorry. We’re going to leave in ten minutes,” I told him. “Wanna come?”

Daniel smiled. “Would I go anywhere else?”

I’ll be off then. With that, the pain in my head vanished.

“Can you answer my question then?” I asked Daniel.

He sighed, and knelt down as if I were a child half my size. “My dear lady,” he said, looking up at me. “You are about to witness a remarkable event.” He inhaled. “I agree with Kaya.”

I managed to stop myself from laughing. “I see.”

“It’s true.”

“That…must’ve been hard on you.”

“…you can laugh now if you want.”

I grinned. “Thankyou.”

“Now. You wanted to know who you are? You are Cat Madigan. Not Freak or Kaya or Bitch, or anything else.”

“Aren’t I? Think about what I’ve done. I’m going down the same road as Kaya.” I remembered her last moment, on the Lake of Ghosts. “I’ll end up like her, one day. I can feel it.”

“No.” Daniel took my hand. “There’s a very big difference between the two of you.”

“Which is?”

“Remorse,” he answered. “Kaya killed men she didn’t know and brushed it aside. She wanted revenge on their kind, so she became one of them.”

“And I’m not? I’ve gone through ‘treatments’ too, Daniel. I’m a freak, and I can kill just as easily as she can.”

“No. You won’t.” Daniel stood up and drew me in for a hug. “Because you can see the good in people as well. Kaya’s disillusioned because of everything that’s happened, but you still have faith, no matter how little. And that guilt stops you, makes you pause before you do something you’ll regret.”

“No it doesn’t,” I argued. “I’ve killed before that woman. And now I’ve lost count.”

“I know that. Yes, you’ve killed people.” He grimaced. “But you’ve always been as guilty as hell afterwards. And that’s the difference. Kaya let herself become a monster. You’re more reluctant to let go of your humanity. And that’s who you are, Cat Madigan; human.”

“Freak,” I insisted.

“Freaks are human too,” he reminded me. “Sometimes more than most humans. And this world of mine needs some humanity left in it.”

“You and me, against the rest of the he world,” I laughed.

“That’s how it’s gonna be,” he grinned.



Who woulda thunk? It’s been six months since I started writing this stuff, and it has been somewhat enjoyable one hundred times! That’s pretty cool.

“So, what are you going to do to celebrate?”

“Well Daniel, I’m going to post a selfie from modelling.”

“Wait, what?”

“Don’t worry, I put a filter on it. And even without the filter, you’d have to look pretty hard to tell that it’s me.”

“Fair enough. Have I seen this one?”

“Nah, this was from today.”

“Nice! Show me the money!”


“You….weren’t kidding, it really doesn’t look like you.”

“Told you.”

“What happened to your hair?”

“Got put in a scarf. I like it.”

“I DON’T.”


“You don’t look like you!”

“Do you think I’d be posting it if I did?”


Anyway, I’d just like to say thankyou to all of you imaginary readers who take a minute out of their day to read the whingings of a very mentally ill teenage girl and her loudmouthed imaginary friend. It just gives me that little extra motivation to keep writing, and that gives me the clarity I obviously need when it comes to this world.

So thankyou. ^_^

Mister Madigan, I presume


“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.”

“It’s illegal.”

“So’s downloading illegal music.”

“But murder causes you to go to jail, you see.”

“Only if I’m caught.”

“Yes, well, this conversation would therefore be proof of intent.”


“So,” said Daniel. “How long do we have to wait?”


Very soon though, my makeup artist, Willow, turned up in the taxi.

I got in. “I’m so sorry, I had a fight with mum and she didn’t want to take me.”

“It’s ok, we’ve still got about an hour before the assignment starts, just let me pin back your hair…”

On the drive there, she explained to me what was going on. “This isn’t a photoshoot, what’ll be happening is I’ll be putting on your makeup, and my supervisor is going to judge it, not just how it looks, but how I put it on, how I treat you, because it’s also about how I treat you as a client.

“Now, there’s three looks, as you know. Day makeup, photoshoot makeup and theatre makeup, which is where you wear the beard.”

I grinned. “Yeah, beards aren’t usually suitable for day makeup.”

We got there with about half an hour to spare. Because taxis are incredibly expensive, Willow and I agreed to take the money out of my pay. Thankyou mother…

We soon got started. I actually enjoyed the first two looks, though Willow was under just as much pressure to do well. It was relaxing for me, just to sit back. I also got to see what sort of stuff they did at the academy. It’s not just makeup, they also focus on skin care and beauty therapy, which was shown in the assignment. The supervisor would come around and check out what we were doing and ask Willow questions about me.

Finally, it was time for the theatre makeup. And it was a lot harder than it looked on America’s Next Top Model.

One word of advice, nonexistent fans. Adhesive hurts. Don’t put it on your face unless you have to.

That’s what Willow used to stick the beard on my face. After shading in the stubble on my face, the adhesive went on. It wasn’t until it had been on for ten minutes that it started hurting. It wasn’t too much though. Well, I wasn’t screaming.

My favourite part, of course, was the wig. I love wigs. I wore one when I snuck out of the house one time, and I try them on whenever I can. And I definitely would’ve worn the wig Willow put on me, though the only reason it fit was because my hair was pinned up and stuffed under a cap.

Also part of my makeup was a series of bruises and one large scar, as the students needed to demonstrate two techniques. My story was that I was a professor who had given someone a bad grade, and he was beaten up by that student. When my makeup was done, I started cracking up, because I looked like my former Homeroom teacher, Meester Swinney. I was also given a shirt and a tie, which only emphasised the resemblance.

Once we had finished, Willow went to talk with her teacher, and I stayed behind with the other freak shows. In the room with me was a corpse prom queen, a burn victim, Alice in Wonderland’s Red Queen-who had her throat slit, Link- much to the delight of every nerd in the room, a Na’vi/A blue guy from Avatar for those of you who don’t remember what they’re called, a werewolf, some sort of alien, and…

“Daniel!” I hissed.

He turned from admiring one of the makeup artists, who had a disturbingly low top, and turned to me. Two seconds passed in complete silence. Then he started cracking up.

I just shook my head and started chatting to my friend from Avatar. He nearly jumped when I opened my mouth and I started talking. “I thought you were a guy!” he exclaimed.

Everyone thought the same. One of the teachers had to ask. I just laughed, and preyed that we’d get the mother fudging adhesive stuff off soon.

After I had taken my selfies (and let Daniel laugh at me until he couldn’t breathe), Willow took the stuff off my face and the pins out of my hair. I got $40 for all that, which was just fine with me.

While waiting for my bus, I started drawing Mister Madigan from my photo, when Mister Avatar turned up. (Yes, I’m calling him Mister Avatar for the benefit of you silly imaginary readers who don’t understand Na’vi.) “Hey!” he said. “You don’t have a beard!”

“Hey,” I greeted him. “You’re not blue either!”

“And you look like a girl!” he exclaimed. “How about that?”

I stuck my tongue out at him. “My bus is here,” I indicated the bus pulling in.

“You never gave me your name.”

“Why d’you want it?”

“So I can tell my friends about the girl who became a man.”

I stuck my tongue out at him again. “Cat. Cat Madigan.”

He waved as I got on the bus. “Bye Mister Madigan!”

“Bye Mister Avatar!”

Beards Are Pretty


So yesterday, I was asked to do a photo shoot, a paid one, which alone was exciting, because until now, I’ve been doing free work to gain experience.

It’s going to be a makeup shoot, and there’s going to be three different looks. It’s going to be a long day though, and there’ll be little breaks in between, if any. Fortunately, Daniel’s going to be there to keep an eye out.

Unfortunately, that means he’s going to be seeing my makeup.

The first two looks are pretty simple. First is basic day makeup, second is glamour makeup, which means I get to look pretty.

The third is a special sort of theatre makeup.

And long story short, they’re going to turn me into a guy.

Now shut the fudge up Daniel! You too, nonexistent reader! I can hear your snickering…

I’m really looking forward to the shoot though, because I do like out-there makeup. And from this, I can get lots of cool photos for my portfolio.

And a lot of stories to tell my friends.

I feel like I’m in a good place at the moment with my modelling. I’m pretty happy with how much work I’m getting at the moment. Like, between school, athletics, and other stuff in Reality, there’s not much time I get for myself. It would be different if I was a professional model working full time, but I’m not, I’m still a teenager, and I’m still in school, and until now, I’ve been doing work for experience.

A lot of people ask me “How far would you go?” when it comes to modelling. That, I’m not entirely sure. To start off with, whenever I think about going to castings or applying for a spot in something, I become the most cautious person on the Internet. I mean, nowadays, especially now we can communicate without actual contact, there are so many traps a person can get into. So when I hear about a job, say on Model Mayhem, I will thoroughly research that photographer until I’m convinced that it’s not a seedy guy that will try to get me to take my shirt off.

I don’t think I’d like to do full on nudity. Lingerie, maybe. Like, if by some miracle, Victoria’s Secret wanted me to be one of their angels, I would probably accept that. But I would not be comfortable posing for a life-drawing class. The way I see it, if I were a lingerie model, the main focus would be the lingerie, rather than my body. I wouldn’t have a problem with that, the lingerie is what’s up for sale. Whereas naked modelling has only one focus; when people see the photo, there’s only one thing they look at. Plus, if I did something like that, I’d be afraid that people would judge me for it, and I wouldn’t be taken as seriously. Think about it, what sort of person has naked photos taken?

What I do like is the weird, crazy stuff. I’d be thrilled if someone asked me to pose with a python, or do a photoshoot while skydiving, or, yes, wear a beard and moustache. What’s the point of being Cat Madigan if I don’t do mad stuff? Yeah, a lot of people are going to laugh and maybe even talk behind my back, but the people I care about won’t. Sure, they’ll tease me, but they won’t think less of me for doing it.

I’d find it sort of ironic. People would hate on someone for cross dressing, and at the same time, they wouldn’t even blink if a model took off their clothes on camera. Says a lot about society. Weirdness is not accepted, whereas sex is.

Okay, time to stop before this becomes a rant. I’m not sure if I’m going to post photos on here, I don’t want imaginary stalkers following me in the street. Or maybe I’m ready to show my face…

Nah. ^_^ But I might post a photo if it doesn’t have my whole face showing. Or I could draw them. And I’m definitely going to write about the photoshoot, so stay tuned.

Question of the Day: What’s your opinion on modelling? Do you enjoy the weird and mad couture and makeup? Do you wish that there was less sex in magazines? Leave your imaginary comments below.

Okay, time for bed. Daniel has fallen asleep already, now where’s my marker…

Cat Madigan