I’ve mentioned her once on this thing, vaguely.
I knew I would have to mention her eventually. It’s just that I had always thought it wouldn’t have to be until later. A LOT later.
Say…maybe on my deathbed.
I’ve talked about Daniel a lot. He was the first Delusion which I sort of trusted. And now, he’s almost the equivalent of a guardian angel, in a way. He protects me from my own mind.
The thing is, he wasn’t always my guardian angel.
The one who was, I met a while after I met Daniel, but I had known her before that. She was more monster than angel though. She was a freak of nature, just like me.
She was once ordinary, she lived in the world of Delirium, I’ve seen her as a child. Then she was taken, I saw that happen too. It was worse than anything I had ever seen at that time.
I’ve seen her life. I watched how people ripped into her, poisoned her. She was changed after that, completely. Her eyes were a bright, violent purple, and her hair had gone silver. And she couldn’t cry, because her tears scorched her skin, and left burns.
She managed to stand it somehow though. I watch this happen, even feel it happen, and I’m slowly losing it. It hurts, and I don’t know how the hell she stood it. She stood it long enough to escape; when they were finally going to put her out of her misery, she decided to defy them.
She ran. Or rather, flew. And she had taken Daniel with her.
And then I met her myself.
Kaya was the one who stopped them from killing me, the ones who would choke me during the night. She couldn’t feel anything anymore, so she took the bullet, sometimes literally. She never died, whatever they did to her, it made her just about indestructible.
She wasn’t always there though. I saw her in my Delirium, enduring everything that came her way. She rarely cried, because the scars on her face attracted even more attention. It was difficult though. When we saw her friend die, her face was on fire once again. Towards the end, I always saw her with tears streaming down her face. Kaya no longer cared about scars.
Around the time she died, she had been helping me cope with the things I saw. I told Kaya how I could see her in Delirium, and how I had unwanted visitors come to me at night, when she couldn’t be there. She wouldn’t tell me who they were though, or what my Delirium was. She and Daniel were strict on that, Daniel still is. But she made up for it. Kaya was teaching me to protect my mind from them, and for practise, she made Daniel attack me.
I hated him for it. I was horrible at it, and I always ended up in tears. Daniel, for a lack of a better term, was pissed at me. He kept calling me a baby, and I probably was. When Kaya was around, he held his tongue though. Kaya later told me when he wasn’t there that his philosophy was that only pain can make you stronger, and truth be told, it was hers too. I understood, but it didn’t mean I liked it.
The only time I saw Daniel cry was when Kaya died. And I, the baby, was the only one there to help him after it happened.
Neither of us know truly how it happened. But I’ve seen it happen over and over in my head, it makes no sense why I don’t know what happened. Daniel has one theory. When someone goes through all that pain, it has to go somewhere, so what happens when expressing it leaves burns on your face? It would build up.
Kaya would have all that pain inside her, and no way to express it.
But I disagree. There are more ways to express pain than crying. Anger is one example. And physical pain becomes durable over time. Burning her face as many times as she did, she wouldn’t be able to feel anything anymore. She’d express pain without enduring it again. When you think of it that way, Daniel’s theory makes no sense.
Kaya is the reason I choose to endure this…whatever this is. I want to stay alive, no matter the cost. Daniel no longer calls me a baby; he’s my protector, like she was. He even appears to care for me. I don’t know why he does it, but I’m glad he does. I wouldn’t be able to deal with this without him, just like I couldn’t live without Kaya.
Neither of us know what happened, but we will someday. I trust of her that much.