The F@ck You List

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Hello humanity!

Merry fucking Christmas!

Okay…now that I’m out of my cave of depression and chocolate, time for my first Christmas speech.

No I don’t care that it’s three days early. I want to write NOW.

Grrrr.

This is my first year writing this stuff. As some of you nonexistent readers may know, I had started this blog after I had attempted suicide, in order to get stuff out of my head. 

So. Nine days till the year ends.

How do you celebrate the end of a year that has been absolutely shit?

I present….the Fuck You List. It’s exactly what is sounds like.

So fuck you:

1- Brain. Thanks to you, I have scars on my hands, scars on my leg, a horrible sense of what is reality, and two imaginary friends.

2- Flash. You gave me hope and then you took it away. We’re friends, I’m guessing, but I’m not going to be so stupid as to trust you. Not as much as I did anyway.

3- Daniel. Fuck you for following me when I ran away, and continuing to piss me off ever since.

4- Benedict Cumberbatch, for ruining my expectations of men.

5- Mum, for your moodswings and violent outbursts.

6- Dad, for trying to drag me out of my room by my hair an hour ago. Never. Drag. Me. Out. By. My. Mother. Fudging. Hair.

7- Kaya, for not taking over and scratching my father’s eyes out an hour ago. Also, where the hell have you been for the last six months? Thanks to you, I’m suicidal, depressed, anxious, oh, did I mention Flash dumped me because of the hallucinations you gave me? Fuck you Kaya.

8- Queen Paris-ite. I do have friends. They are awesome, funny, and have more brain cells than you. And for your sake, we won’t start on my hair.

9- Slenderman, for causing me to laugh during Mass, you seedy bastard. And for those who want to know why, think about how this could be interpreted: Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come agaaaaaaain. Don’t you have anything better to do than make me go red in the face from laughing? Also, apologies to those seedy nonexistent people who read that and understood the other meaning, and if you never take Mass seriously again, it’s my fault.

10- Papa Willis’ ex girlfriend. Not only did you hurt him, but you hurt me and Batman. Noone is perfect, especially not us. That definitely does not mean we are horrible people.

11- Doctor Who. I’m going to be borderline inconsolable at Christmas. I LOVE YOU MATT SMITH!

12- Sherlock. And you know why.

13- Steven Moffat. DISHONOUR ON YOU, DISHONOUR ON YOUR COW.

14- BBC in general. 

15- James Bond, for not going gay. 

16- Disney.

17- Happy singing people.

18- Cheerfulness.

19- 500 Miles, by The Proclaimers. AND YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY.

20- Mathematics.

21- Depression.

22- Anxiety.

23- Cutting. You do not help. In the slightest. I know that now.

24- Sickness. Seriously, my brain’s already out of whack, this is not an invitation to have fun too, immune system. 

25- Game of Thrones. I knew about the Red Wedding, BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT OKAY. 

Argh…There’s so many more things I want to say fuck you to…tell you what, I’ll continue this again when Internet has returned.

Cat Madigan

Third Person Delirium…

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Yesterday, I had gone to go see Catching Fire with my friends. Well, friends and friends of friends, but by the end of the day, I knew most of their names.

I’m not writing a review today, but I will soon, don’t worry, imaginary readers.

One person I had befriended was a guy called Chase. No, of course it’s not his real name, I’m not an idiot.

He found me at the beginning of the day, wandering the town of Grum. You see, we usually go into the city, but it’s more convenient for the friends of friends, who go to a boarding school near Grum. You’ve probably heard of Grum, it’s where the Dockers live.

It was less convenient for me, because I had to be on a train for about an hour. Not that I really minded. With my trusty iPad and my hobbit feet which I had acquired from the Cat’s Run Away adventures, I was up for anything.

I had gotten there early, so I decided to wander the city in search of wifi. You see, because my phone doesn’t call anyone except my parents, in order to communicate with said friends, I need Facebook. And for Facebook I need wifi.

Then I ran into Chase, who was on the way to find said friends. So we went together and found them, in a place which was nowhere near where I thought we were going to meet. So thanks to Chase, I hadn’t spent hours wandering the stinking streets of Grum.

The majority of people there were ones I didn’t know. You see, my guy friends had once ‘chaperoned’ a social at a boarding school where these people went. And we met up once before to see Thor, as I might have mentioned. And today, we were joining them for their ‘end of school’ picnic thingymajinky.

Not all of my guy friends were coming. And Flash and Smith would be late, as they had rowing. So it was a relief to see some familiar faces in the group of Hogwarts students. Yes, that’s right, first Alice in Wonderland, now Harry Potter names. I’m not very creative.

So we went to see Catching Fire, and I met up with Flash and Smith. To sum up Catching Fire in a word, it was awesome. But I’ll save that details for my review.

Later on, we were hanging out in a park which didn’t stink of smoke and garbage, and we were watching Smith and a girl who I’ll call Dotty reenact the infamous scene from the Sherlock Season Two finale.

Then Chase dropped to the ground.

This was a change for me. Because normally, I’m the one who drops dead in the middle of outings.

Dotty knew what to do though. We got him in the recovery position and Dotty explained. Whenever Chase dropped, it meant he was half asleep. A better explanation was lucid dreaming. And that meant he was about to go into a nightmare.

It was that description that made me look at Flash uneasily.

It lasted five or ten minutes. I watched Chase’s eyes move under his eyelids and he trembled and shook as if he were in pain. Smith and Dotty were holding back his arms to stop him from scratching himself and Flash was holding me tightly. And the whole time, I kept seeing myself in Chase’s place.

“Is that what I look like?” I asked Flash quietly.

He looked at me and hugged me. “It’s getting better,” he whispered to me. “But…it used to be a lot like that.”

Chase opened his eyes, and they were glazed over. Then they refocused, and he swore. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured, as everyone hugged him.

“We’re used to it,” Smith said, and Flash nodded.

I smiled sadly. “Yeah…”

We then explained to him my situation. “And they haven’t found out what’s wrong yet?” Dotty asked.

I shook my head. To my surprise, Daniel hadn’t popped up yet, which was strange. Daniel usually came whenever I was freaking out.

Later that evening, I was with Flash waiting for my bus. “It was scary,” I admitted. “That…that was what I…” I looked at him. “Were as you freaked out as I was?” Are you always frightened when it happens to me? I asked inwardly.

He nodded. “It’s getting better though,” he said. “You don’t scream out, and it ends pretty quickly.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think it’s getting better,” I told him. “Not really.”

He hugged me. “Don’t give up,” he said to me.

“I don’t intend to.”