Flying Cats

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I, Cat Madigan, have had an epiphany.

I hate flying.

It involves sitting down for hours, with little entertainment. And thanks to my mother, and her philosophy that yelling will make us faster, the only carry on luggage I remembered was my iPad and some pens and paper. None of the pens were working, and I had to switch said iPad off when preparing for takeoff and landing.

I have also learnt why people tell you not to fly when you have a cold.

Because it blows up your MOTHERFUDGING EARS!

So while I am waiting for the hearing to return in my left ear, I’m going to tell you about my journey today.

I was rudely awoken at four in the morning, and it was an awakening that involved coughing and spluttering, as I had a cold. My mother was not impressed. You see, the reasoning for us leaving to La La land was because I have National All Schools for athletics, which are held in La La land. However, I’m not as good at winning events when I have a cold, so my loving mother was in a foul mood on the way to the airport. So was I, now I remember.

Afterwards, my mother and brother decided to be in an exceptional chipper mood. I’m sure you can understand how the following would sound to one devoid of sleep and tea.

“Oh boy, this is gonna be awesome!”

“Holiday, holiday, we’re going on a holiday!”

“Sing with us Cat!”

Fudge no.

I don’t know when I’m going to get wifi, but I pray I live long enough to post this and get Papa Willis and Flash to save me.

As a conciliation, Daniel is reacting to flying worse than I currently am. Not sure whether deep down my imagination is trying to make me feel better, or my Delusions have a mind of their own. But Daniel was seated next to my brother for both flights. He wasn’t particularly happy about this, but it was the closest one to me that wasn’t taken.

I had to take two flights today; only the first one had television, and that was only for a while. When they were switched off for landing, I finally saw what happened to Daniel.

He looked green in the face, and was vomiting in the vomit bag. Tigger, of course, didn’t see. I grimaced. Not good, hmm?

“Shut up,” he mumbled back.

The second one was worse. I’m not sure how, but Daniel had somehow gotten ahold of a wine bottle from the trolley. I didn’t see what it was, but it made Daniel sing his favourite song…

And IIIIIIII Will Walk Five Hundered Miles, And IIIIIIII Will Walk Five Hundered M-bleeeeeeeugh!” Daniel was behind me this time, instead of across the aisle. “Next time, we’re taking a boat, I don’t care,” he swore drunkenly.

It was then that my left ear blew up. It has been at least two hours since then, and my hearing has still not returned. Back then, it was killing me. It pops up every now and then, which is hell.

My only source of relief is barely even that. My mother insisted on me buying a nasal decongestant spray, which I stick up my nose and inhale. And it makes my already sore brain hurt even more. I also bought some pills, and for some reason, my mother was adamant about me buying the ones called Sunafed. Even though the chemist with a degree in chemistry recommended a product which works exactly the same and is five bucks cheaper.

We arrived at LaLa land in the evening, and we took a bus to our backpackers hotel. Where, thank Christ, there is wifi! I can update all you imaginary readers on my hearing or lack thereof and Daniel’s drunken stupor, which may well last the whole trip.

At any rate, it’s time to continue being sick.

Mad Cat

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I have found another part about myself that I hate. Yes, it turns out that it is possible. After discovering millions of flaws in myself, I thought there couldn’t have been anymore.

I have a feeling that whenever I say things like ‘What could be worse than this,’ or ‘I’ve hit rock bottom’, my brain seems to determine this as a challenge.

THIS IS NOT A GAME BRAIN! I DON’T WANT TO FEEL EVEN MORE INSECURE ABOUT MYSELF, I’M A NUTJOB ALREADY!!

So I’ve figured out something else about myself.

I develop attachments to the simplest, stupidest things.

About a few months ago, I nearly had a panic attack when I was deciding to change my radio from 92.9 to 99.3, more commonly known as Triple J. You see, my radio is difficult to change stations on, and if I chose to change my radio station, it would probably stay on that station for the rest of that radio’s existence. And I was freaking out about it. And it was a radio station!

And for all you imaginary 92.9 fans who are asking, I got sick of Nicki Minaj and songs with horrible meanings. Yes, I’m looking at you Miley Cyrus, and you Robin Thicke.

I also tend to be frightened when something happens to Daniel. Yes, the same Daniel who teases and picks on me whenever he has the chance. Because I’ve also gotten attached to him. He’s a friend, and he protects me.

And I shouldn’t get attached to him because he’s a part of my head which isn’t real, and my doctors are splitting hairs over getting rid of him.

I can imagine what you’re thinking, nonexistent reader. Why am I only just noticing this behaviour of mine?

I believe it happened because of a painting I had done. Well, it brought about the realisation.

A few months ago, we were painting abstract self portraits in Art, and mine actually won a prize, much to my astonishment. I was a better drawer than a painter, and the fact that I had won something for that painting was surprising in itself.

So today, I found out from my art teacher that someone wanted to buy my painting, and to think about if I wanted to sell it.

As I am incapable of expressing emotion properly, my only reaction was, “Oh, wow, okay.” On the inside, I felt everything spinning out of whack.

I was carrying my canvas outside when I saw Daniel waiting for me. He was pumped. “That,” he told me, “is wicked. Someone wanted to buy your work, that’s incredible!”

I just smiled tiredly.

Then Daniel noticed I hadn’t said anything. “Are you going to sell it?”

“I’m not sure,” I admitted.

There was a story behind the painting. It probably wouldn’t make much sense without seeing it, but I’m a bit reluctant about letting it out on the Internet, especially when I’m considering selling it. But I’ll describe it as best as I can.

Anyway.

I am not in a good state of mind. In the slightest. Nor was I when I was painting my picture. I don’t know if I ever will be again, (yes, that’s right, I used to be sane). But I can’t let people know that, otherwise I can’t be anything more than the ‘mental girl’. So I appear calm on the outside. I had used green in the background, and for my eyes, and I painted my hair a pretty blue. Calm colours, nice colours, they remind me of a meadow by a lake. I’ve also painted my clothing red, not bright red, just a muted, pretty colour. It doesn’t get much attention.

My face on the other hand, is bright yellow and orange, like a flame. I always feel like I’m burning up on the inside, the pain is bright and vibrant, and it hurts.

It’s not a good feeling.

I ask Daniel now. “Do you see what I’m getting at?”

“Somewhat. But do you?”

I frown, and shake my head at his logic. “I feel like it’s too emotional,” I said slowly. “And too personal. I mean, it means something to me, about myself, and it’s not a very nice part about myself. It’s like giving away a secret, and for someone else to have that secret?”

“What do you know about secrets?”

I make a face. “Enough to know that it’s a bitch.”

He chuckles. “Silly Cat. A person only has a secret if they understand it completely. This person won’t know the truth unless you give it to them.”

“Then I’m selling a lie.”

He cracks up. “You are an idiot.”

“I believe that’s been established.”

He sighs. “What are you upset about? You could sell a painting, what’s wrong with that?”

I shake my head. “It just feels almost like I’m telling them about what’s really happening in my head.”

“Cat Louise Madigan,” Daniel says. “Will you remember this painting for the rest of your life?”

“I’m not sure,” I said slowly. “I could feel differently tomorrow about it, and I might want to sell the painting. On the other hand, what if I sell it and I’ll always want it?”

“Now you’re overthinking this,” Daniel said. Then he starts calling out “RED ALERT, RED ALERT! OVERTHINKING IN PROGRESS! INITIATE DISTRACTION!”

I hit him over his head with a book. “Better?” he asked.

“Much, thank you.”

Daniel lies back. “Ask your teacher more about it,” he says. “Don’t give it away practically for free, if it’s so precious. How much would you sell a secret?”

I actually don’t know. Here I am, writing up our conversation for millions of nonexistent readers to see, and I’m worrying about an implied message in a painting. “You’re right, I am an idiot,” I said.

He rolls his eyes. When I look back up, he’s gone. And I feel sad.

Damn you Daniel.

The Worst Thing About Being Sick List

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Yup…Mad Cat’s gotten sick again. Seriously, what is up with this immune system? Just because my brain doesn’t work doesn’t mean it can have a holiday too…

Anyway, Cat’s going to make yet another list.

Presenting, the Stuff That Happens When Cat Madigan Gets Bored/Sick List.

Tadaaaaaaa.

1- Cat is left at home all day, by herself, which often leaves her feeling depressed/friendless.

2- Being depressed/friendless is usually what makes Daniel pop up. Which is wonderful.

3- Cat is unable to eat, because she can’t keep anything down. And hunger leads to bad moods, and bad moods often leads to grumpy Cats.

4- Her family, the biological one, when she’s sick, take delight in having dessert when she’s unable to eat anything. And they very very rarely have dessert, and when they do have dessert, its almost like it’s a public holiday, like Christmas or Easter.

This is an example of how this is played out…

Happy Icecream Day! What’s that Cat? You’re dying? Awww, looks like you can’t have icecre-

HEY! Cat, you’re not meant to have that, you’re sick remember? There. Now you’ve chucked it up, now isn’t that-

RRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOW! SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

OWWWWW! That’s my #*%$*@!@&$* hand!

5- Cat Madigan has a nasty habit of getting bored…

6- When Cat Madigan gets bored, she writes $h!tty posts like this, which is never good.

7- Cat doesn’t have internet on her iPad at home, so she suffers from Doctor Who withdrawal as well as whatever the hell she gets sick with now.

8- Criminal Minds Withdrawal.

9- Game of Thrones Withdrawal.

10- Black Butler Withdrawal.

11- Benedict Cumberbatch Withdrawal, resulting in lots of stalkerish artwork.

12- Cat starts killing off characters in the story she’s currently working on. This wouldn’t be too bad if she didn’t happen to be making detailed plots reminiscent of Saw.

13- She starts playing Horror Games. Seriously, isn’t there enough wrong with her head?!

14- Cat Madigan plays dress up.

15- Cat cosplays as Grell Sutcliff.

15- Cat Madigan ends up dressing up in something that looks almost like lingerie.

17- Cat starts dancing.

18- Cat’s mother walks in on her dancing. Cat’s mother is more disturbed by that fact that her daughter dances than the fact that she was wearing an almost see through black nightgown.

21- Daniel turns up and Cat has to immediately put something over said black nightgown, much to his disappointment.

22- Cat and Daniel have a catfight.

24- Daniel, for some reason, tries on Cat’s ballgown.

23- Cat explains to Daniel why he can’t be a character in her story; because he would end up annoying everyone till they all committed suicide.

24- Cat starts to draw Daniel.

25- She intentionally makes him look like a girl, and Daniel ends up making her tear up the drawing.

26- Cat starts going on Tumblr…fortunately, she puts an end to it when Daniel begins to run around screaming out “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!”

29- Cat Madigan intentionally skips some points in this post. How many can you find?

30- Cat Madigan giggles at the thought of the reader going through her post to find her missing points, only to remember that no one actually reads her $h!t.

31- Cat falls asleep.

32- Daniel wakes her up, pretending she’s set fire to her room again.

33- Daniel gets a black eye.

34- Cat and Daniel watch Pewdiepie play Heavy Rain.

35- Cat skips the topless scene, much to the disappointment of you-know-who.

36- Cat notes that if her brother was taken, her parents probably wouldn’t give a shit.

37- Cat eats toast, and of course, vomits it up.

38- Cat is now going to stop typing so Daniel can drag her to bed before she vomits on the keyboard.

39- Did you also know that Cat typed 15 and 24 twice?

Night night. <3

Mad Cat