Let’s Talk About It

Standard

The first thing I have to say is that NO, I’m not going to write descriptions of my sexual encounters on this blog. Not looking at anyone in particular, Bad Dog.

The second thing I have to say is that people are weird about sex. Sex in itself is simple when you think about it.

Other factors make it so complicated though. The practise of sex is performed for different reasons. It can be done as commerce, a display of dominance, to create children, and even for love.

Morality makes sex complicated. Some parts of it are simple for people to understand, though there are some who don’t. You should never force people into it. You should be mature enough to do it, emotionally as well as physically. You should be careful to protect yourself. Then you get to more complex ethics. Some people say that you shouldn’t have sex until you are bound together by wedlock, others will give it away for a smile and a few pretty words. After that, there’s a matter of who you can or should have sex with. And that’s when you can get involved in a million issues involving race, gender, age, class; things that really don’t matter in the big picture when you consider it. Humans are silly that way.

There is very little humanity in Delirium, as you nonexistent readers have probably surmised by now. Though the people there maintain their illusion that they are of a higher class of beings, they are in fact worse than humans; they justify their sin as being their right, instead of feeling guilt. There is the occasionally exception, but I’ve found that those people usually had one thing in common; Daniel.

The reason I don’t regret spending the night with Daniel is because it’s one of the few moments in Delirium where I didn’t feel pain or fear or anger, which I had become so used to in this place. I felt more human than I had ever been, and that’s why I won’t ever forget it.

I did learn one thing though. It’s not necessarily a good idea to tell your friends about it. Even if they’re your dearest friends, they will not pass up the opportunity to embarrass you about it whenever possible about it.

Here’s how they found out. Starting with Kaya.

Kaya was pissed at me. Well, to be exact, she was pissed at Daniel, but she was taking it out on me, there’s a difference apparently. Originally, she was yelling at Daniel, as our dearest Papa Willis had been taken from his cell without him noticing.

However, Daniel assumed that she was angry about another notable event, and he began apologising in his usual non-apologetic way. And when he finally came to his senses that she was talking about something else, it was far too late.

And then she became even more pissed. As if that were even possible.

Whether this was because of morality or jealousy, I’m not sure. Kaya’s motives would always be a mystery for me. What I could never doubt however was the extremity of her moods, so I braced myself for many a rant from my split personality.

Her nagging stayed with me at lunchtime, when I was with my friends in the library AV room. The Evil One, who I should really be calling ‘Captain Clumsy’, arrived on her crutches. “Evil! Perfect timing!” I started.

“No.”

“Please?”

“You used it on her at recess.”

“Aw, come on!”

I’m not entirely sure of how we got onto that subject from there. I think we started talking about chocolate, because I mentioned how Kaya stole chocolate from the house. But my friends are very talented people, see. And they proceeded to into a conversation about chocolate into one about activities unsuitable for catholic school girls.

Long story short, Lady Delamore ended up giving me a talking to.

“Delamore,” I groaned. Daniel beside me was cracking up. “I am not wearing a chastity belt.”

“Yes you are.”

Before I continue, it might be a good idea to explain Lady Delamore to you all. Lady Delamore is the female equivalent of Slenderman, the seediest man alive, whom she also happens to be dating. Well, almost the equivalent. Unlike Slenderman, she has an abhorrence of actual intercourse, and has made us all promise to her that none of us would get up to any mischief until marriage or our coming of age, which she had helpfully pushed up to 23.

Of course, I had never taken it seriously, mainly because I had deemed myself ‘Forever Alone’. But it also had to do with my natural disdain for regulations and authority which is enforced on me. Which is why the promise which had been extracted from me by Delamore (who was holding my iPad hostage), had never crossed my mind that night.

“So why is Papa Willis allowed to throw away his virtue?” Daniel asks, obviously amused by Delamore’s stance, especially in light of recent events.

I repeat the question to Delamore. “You, my dear, are my baby girl,” she told me. “And you are very precious to me. If I had it my way, I’d lock you up in my basement, that’s how much I care about you!” The last part was obviously sarcastic, but the look on Daniel’s face was pure horror.

“Isn’t Papa Willis precious to you?”

“No.”

Daniel laughs at that. “Don’t you ever stop making fun of him?”

“Nope. We’re cruel people, Daniel.”

“I’m sorry, but when it comes to your virtue, I-”

I couldn’t help it, both Daniel and I crack up. Of course, they can only see me, but that’s beside the point. It was at that point that the truth began to come out.

Delamore stares at me. “Why are you laughing?”

Everyone turned towards me. I eventually calmed down. “Nothing,” I said, crossing my fingers.

Delamore’s eyes narrowed. “What. Is going. On.”

“I wanna tell her,” Daniel said.

“Don’t you dare.”

I looked over at my friends and went red. “What. Did. You. Do.

“…He says ‘Too Late’,” I admitted to them.

All hell went loose. Snugglepot and Teacup’s eyes went as wide as saucers, the Evil One and Bad Dog started laughing, Pinky and Ducky just went “What?!” and Delamore gave me The Look.

This look has been bestowed upon many a member in our group, mainly when we were discussing topics involving sex. And in a ‘family’ where having a seedy mind was a necessary trait for survival, this happened to come up a lot, and because our ‘family’ consists mainly of teenage boys, these topics were often quite graphic. And as a result, Lady Delamore issued her disapproving stare upon many.

She gave me this look now. “Explain!” she demanded.

“I’m going to leave you to it,” Daniel told me, kissing the top of my head.

“All alone?”

“You’ll be fine,” he said, chuckling as he left the room, abandoning me with all these emotional teenage girls.

They immediately started asking me what happened, and when the assumptions became more and more disgusting, I just yelled out “If you want to know, ask Papa Willis about it!”

“Why does he know and not me?” Delamore demanded.

“Because you don’t have Facebook!”

“We agreed twenty three! That was the agreement.”

“Yeah…about that.” I tried to come up with a suitable explanation, but I ended up just saying, “No.”

“Cat!”

“No.”

Delamore gave me that look. “It’s going to be a long time before I can forgive you.”

“Okay…”

“And you won’t do it again until you’re 23.”

I groaned. “Whatever.”

“In Reality, not Delirium.”

“Oh come on!”

Delamore eventually paused in her ranting to message Papa Willis to confirm this tale of woe. It was at this point that Teacup, innocent little Teacup, came up to me and gave me a hug. “I still love you Cat,” she said.

“Thankyou Teacup.”

“So…how was it?”

“…you’re like twelve!”

“Hey, I’m fourteen!”

“Does that really make it okay?”

“I’m just as innocent as the rest of you. Soooo, how was it?”

I closed my eyes, immediately regretting my decision to tell all. “Fuck.”

You started it.

Shaddup Kaya.

Advertisements

My Other ‘Family’

Standard

I need something happier to talk about.

So what about my other ‘family’?

These people are the most supportive people in the world, and I love them to bits and they are just as mad as I am. And for some reason, we pretend to all be related.

So here’s my ‘family’.

MJ
Will also be known as Michael Jackson, because he’s a dancer and I couldn’t be bothered to come up with something more creative. (He also likes to scare children.) In our ‘family’, he is our beloved grandfather/time lord/potato fanatic, and he has at least 700 illegitimate children apparently. Probably the sweetest guy I know, and also the most likely member of our family to wear a dress.

These are his known ‘children’ from oldest to youngest:

Slenderman
There were a lot of names I was thinking of for Unca Slenderman. Originally I was going to name him Captain Jack, then I changed my mind to The Seed. But then I realised how alike Slenderman and my uncle were, so here is Unca Slenderman! Slenderman, as you may have gathered, is the seediest person alive. Some say he cannot go through a whole day without saying something dirty about something. You have something that is completely innocent? Wait till Slenderman sees it…BAM! And the innocence is gone! Is very fond of nurses, particularly Air Force ones.

The Flash
Cross country runner, and probably the one mind that thinks along the same lines as me. Meaning, he’s just as mad as I am. :D Nah…no one’s as mad as me. But he comes pretty close. He is also a dancer, and I think I may have referred to him as Speedy once in a previous post, but now he’s The Flash. So there. :p Thus far, he’s one of the least seedy minded people in the group, so Slenderman has to work a bit harder…

Papa Willis
He was going to be called Aquaman, but noooooo, he wanted to be Papa Willis. So there. Happy now ‘father’?
Yes, this is my loving father, who is probably the dumbest guy alive. <3 And one of the nicest. Though we pretend to be father and daughter, he's more like a big brother to me in real life.
For some reason, it's Papa Willis that's always getting pleaded with to try on dresses, even though MJ is the most feminine (sorry Grampa,) and The Flash would probably fit them better. I think it's Slenderman who started it. Silly Slenderman…. At the moment though, if Papa Willis gets a B on a SOSE test, he has to wear a dress. He's already worn a wig (my wig in fact, I has pictures) and it's only a matter of time…

Potch
I don’t know how the fudge Potch is related to our ‘family’. He might be another illegitimate child, or just a ‘family’ friend. Used to go out with him, before it was decided we were better off as friends. The biggest nerd in the universe, and is Slenderman’s second in command for seedy jokes. For now, he’s grouped with MJ’s other kids.

That’s MJ’s children out of the way. And here is the younger, slightly less messed up generation.

The Guy That Dies First
Or maybe I’ll just name him Smith- I really need to come up with more creative names.
Anyway, Smith is Slenderman’s ‘son’, though Slenderman refuses to acknowledge him, and my cousin. Used to be normal before he met us apparently. Not anymore… ^_^ But the reason behind his previous name was that our grandfather (or one of our other satanic relatives) makes him take the brunt of his (or their) evil practices. But in a zombie apocalypse, he’d probably outlive me. Providing I live to see said zombie apocolypse.

Batman!
Nana nana nana nana BATMAN! :D
Papa Willis’ other child, and my favourite little brother ever. <3 though to be honest, my real brother isn't setting the bar very high… According to my 'father', the identity his 'mother' has been narrowed down to three prostitutes, two Spanish, one Swedish.
Lover of horror films and enjoys creeping people out. Ask him to show you his collection of stories for children, I dare you, non existent reader.

Aaaaaaaand, ME!
Who am I? Lets look at the list: Tea Drinker, Mad hat lover, Drawer, Training Model, Madwoman, Budding Writer, Reader, Semi Demon (yes, only semi), Dreamer, Creator, and Budding Lune, unless someone stops me.

So that’s my ‘family’. And for some reason, it looks like everyone with a Y chromosome cannot keep it in their pants. :p As I said, I love them heaps, and they are the best people in the world. I have no idea how they manage to stand me and my head, but they do, and that’s what keeps me going.

I needed to write this post today, for I’ve been too sad as of late. I had written a post before this one, talking about how I ran away from home for the day, and the reasons why. But I’ll probably post that another time, when I actually have Internet at home.

So who is your ‘family’? Who can you rely on for support, because there probably is at least one person who cares about you, though I’ll end up thinking the opposite a few hours later. Or maybe days. Depends on my mood swings.

It’s reading (and writing) things like this that make me realise that family aren’t necessarily the people who you share your genetic material with. Just think about it.

Cat Madigan